terasa macam nak makan macam-macam arini. tatau apasal tiba2 rasa macam nih. saya nak makan

1. nasi minyak masakan mama, dengan kermuk daging dan acar nenas.

2. keropok lekor yang panas- panas

3. zinger kfc

4, kaya ball kat jusco melaka

5. pizza shakeys

6.nasi dagang kak pah kat ganu

and the list goes on and on... huwaaa..nak balik rumah

i am back in my hostel room..looking around, its been nearly 2 and half years i occupy this room. and hopefully in about 5 weeks from now, i will vacant this room forever, marking the end of my student days. walau macamanapun, my focus now is to study properly in this few hours left and clear all my papers. i am actually so sad at this moment...i failed my surgery paper by 2 marks..tapi alhamdulillah, i passed all my other papers, and also my practicals. dan alhamdulillah, by aggregat i passed, even though my surgery dissapoint me... i least expected it, coz i felt i can answer properly, i have thought that my paediatrics paper gonna pull me down, tapi yang sebaliknya terjadi...mulai saat ni, mmg tak boleh leka, aku harus bekerja keras, utk memastikan permulaanku sbg seorang professional bermula pada akhir februari ni..insya allah, aja aja fighting!!

semenjak dua nih, mama asyik bercakap pasal kahwin. aku balik ke KL 23 hb lepas. dia bercakap lagi pasal kahwin. aku kadang2 rimas bila dia bercakap pasal kahwin. sebabnya aku belum bersedia utk berkahwin dan settle down. aku belum bersedia utk memasuki alam yang serba lain. 24 hb aku ikut mama, abah dan adik2 pergi ke Ampang Putri. dekat cafeteria hospital tu, again mama bercakap pasal yang sama. jadi aku terpaksa membentangkan hujah2 mengapa aku takmau kahwin lagi. dan mama pula telah membalas hujah2 aku dengan hujah2 dia yang lengkap dengan dalil-dalil yang aku tak boleh sangkal..aka membrainwash aku...well, suffice to say until this extent that i actually gets partially convinced by her. aku memahami hasrat hati mama. cuma aku rasa yang aku belum bersedia. aku rasa sebelum aku menggalas tanggungjawap dan amanah, aku kene bersedia sepenuhnya. tapi org tua bercakap melalui pengalaman dan pengamatan, jadi aku tak boleh menyangkal kata-kata mama sepenuhnya. jadi, pendekatan yang aku ambil sekarang adalah cuma berfikir dan berdoa. moga-moga allah berikan aku petunjuk apa yang terbaik utk diri aku, dan melorongkan aku ke jalan yang betul. 25 hb, aku buang tebiat sikit. sbb baru habis exam katakan. aku join satu make up class..cikgunya org serdang, an owner of a bridal house. saja saja belajar. aku ni mekap tak pandai and biasanya tak pakai lebih2. yang essential utk aku lately adalah foundation and lipbalm. doundation tu sbb kulit aku tgh teruk break out skang. mungkin sbb stresses exam kot. tapi mmg biasanya, muka aku togel ajer tanpa secalit mekap...cuma baru baru ni aku discover yang muka aku ni teruk sangat pucat macam org sakit masa pergi exam praktikal aritu. shida siap kata yang muka aku cam tak siap...heheh...mana tidaknya, sibuk dok last minute baca itu ini, baju pun bergosok ala kadar, mana ada masa nak touch up muka. tapi sekarang, aku dah ada azam baru..kene la jaga penampilan..nanti kang esok2 muka lesu, mana la org nak confident ngan kita... ni muka aku yang dimekapkan sendiri oleh aku...hehe...rasa terlebih tebal...cam opera cina...tapi ramai kata lawa...heheh..perasan sekejap...isk isk isk

ada muka cam aku tak? rasa cam org lain jer..

minggu lepas aku balik ke ganu. keluar ngan mama ke surau, ikut dia pergi berdengor. tgh ustaz dok berceramah, telefon mama berbunyi. sorok2 mama jawap telefon. lama jugak dia dok bercakap. tah apa biji butirnya aku tak dengar. tapi aku tahu adik yang telefon. dalam perjalanan, mama kata adik excited. adik menang sayembara cerpen. habis spm, dia di offer ke kelantan ikut minggu penulis remaja. balik rumah mmg dia excited pun. yang kelakarnya, cerpen yang dia hantar tu cerpen yang dia tulis untuk spm trial bahasa melayu karangan dia. and cikgu dia yang beria-ia nak hantarkan untuk dia. aku mmg tahu adik suka menulis. dia ada buku conteng penuh dengan cerpen, sajak dan puisi. aku mmg tahu adik seorang puitis. aku panggil dia jiwang. tapi yang sebenarnya, aku pun pernah macam dia juga dulu. masa aku kecil2, aku selalu menulis cerpen. kononnya nak dihantar ke dewan pelajar. tp, mama yang dah mengesan minat aku, dari awal dah 'hush-hush' kecenderunganku masa tu. kata mama, u cant dream all ur life, u have to be realistic. she said a writer is a dreamer that wont earn much to support her life. aku masa tu reluctantly stop writing. and stop to dream of becoming one of a kind. akhirnya, aku terus melupakan untuk menulis. dan aku pun dah langsung tak boleh menulis lagi. i just lost the skill to picture things vividly in writing, and to make ppl 'terkesan' with my writing. i have lost touch. and i dont think i will ever earn it back. jealous of my sister? i do envy her abit. sbb she has the opportunity and exposure. tetapi, aku tidak cemburu bila mama kali ni berikan sokongan pada dia. aku happy coz mama finally understand, minat adik dan aku yang dulu pernah dia kuburkan. i understand she means well. tapi, of course mama has learnt so many things about parenting over the years. coz kadang2 aku melihat mama mengambil approach berbeza dalam meladeni masalah yang hampir serupa yang pernah aku hadapi bila dia berhadapan pula dengan adik. i guess she is aging well..:) oh ya hari ni, adik telefon aku setelah 3 hari ke MPR. kata dia tulisannya adalah among 7 of the best from 86 penyertaan. aku happy bila dia happy. katanya, DBP akan publishkan antologi cerpen dia dan kawannya. i guess adik takkan berhenti menulis selepas ni. mama pula, bercerita ttg nisah hj haron. katanya she's a lawyer cum a writer. jadi aku pasti mama positif yang adik juga insya allah akan menjadi seperti dia, a professional who is also a writer. aku doakan adik akan berjaya dalam kedua2 bidangnya. amin.

semalam aku oergi 7 eleven. nak cari magazine. bila keluar, aku jumpa seekor anak kucing. warnanya putih tompok2 hitam. dia mengiau-ngiau..menggigil, aku agak kelaparan. dia berlari2 mengejar aku, gesel2 kepalanya dikaki aku. aku sedih, kesian, tgk si kecik tu mengiau-ngiau. tgk matanya, hati aku menjadi cair, cam ais yang cair tuh. aku tak sampai hati. macam org bengong, aku duduk di kaki lima. aku masuk balik ke 7-e belikan dia susu kotak. bukak susu, letak depan dia. tapi dia tak mahu. sibuk meghidu bungkusan nasi goreng cendawan dan sate di tangan aku. aku faham le apa yang dia nak makan. aku keluarkan satu cucuk sate dan beri pada dia. macam harimau mengaum dia mengiau. mengongoi dapat makanan idaman. dia makan dengan lahapnya. aku jadi tambah kesian. aku tgk keliling. macamana la si kecil ni akan survive. tapi aku keraskan hati melangkah ke kereta. sekali dia berlari lari mengikut aku. mengiau2 lagi. hati aku cair lagi. akhirnya aku kepong kucing dalam kereta. niat hati nak buang dia dekat mana2 yang senang dia nak dapat makanan or bawa dia pergi SPCA. tapi waktu dalam kereta tuu, dia macam baby, panjat riba aku dan duduk dgn relaksnya sambil aku drive. dia tido dengan lena atas pangku aku. aku lg tersentuh. akhirnya shah jadi mangsa aku pg beli sangkar malam2 buta. sian shah...sorry ye shah. aku ingatkan aku akan bela oreo..aku dah berkira yang fazli akan jagakan oreo untuk aku, atau cousin aku kalau dia tak boleh jaga. tapi sayang, akhirnya malam tu aku tahu aku takleh jaga oreo. aku nak exam ni,aku kene study. oreo asik tercirit saja. najisnya ada darah sikit. aku tahu oreo sakit perut. aku patut bawa dia pergi vet. tapi aku takde masa. aku pun takleh bawa dia balik ke kl. sbb aku takleh drive sorang2. fazli ada hal lain. dan oreo sepanjang malam dok mengiau dan memanjat sangkar. aku faham. dia nak keluar. dia tak suka dok dalam situ. sbb bila aku keluarkan dia sekali dan dok atas meja sambil aku study dia diam. tapi dia pergi cirit atas meja. so tats it aku kena masukkan oreo balik dalam sangkar. dan mulutnya tak berhenti mengiau. aku kesian dia. jadi pagi tadi, aku bawa dia keluar pagi pagi. tgk mata beningnya aku tak sanggup. bila aku drive lagi, dia duduk lagi atas pangku aku. tapi aku takleh komited pada dia sekarang. aku sedih sangat. tapi aku tak ada pilihan. aku telefon fazli. fazli suruh letak dia dekat kedai mana2. akhirnya aku tingalkan oreo depan kedai makan makcik ni. aku tahu makcik ni baik. aku tahu ada banyak kucing situ. jadi aku tinggalkan oreo. aku berdoa oreo akan dilayan dengan baik kat situ. maafkan kakak ye,oreo.

catatan ini aku mahu tujukan untuk seseorang yang pernah aku kenal rapat. tapi, yang sebenarnya sampai aaat ini aku tidak pernah memahami mekanisme pemikirannya. ya, walaupun aku pernah bercontact selam dua tahun secara direct dgn ia. aku ttp tidak memahaminya. dia adalah manusia yang pernah aku cintai. aku ulangi, pernah. sekarang ni? hati aku sudah lama tertutup untuk dia. itu cerita dulu.dan aku kira dia sudah berbahagia juga dengan pilihannya sendiri. seperti mana aku kini berbahagia dengan seseorang yang aku kira paling memahami jiwaku. dia sudah berkahwin. aku tahu dgn siapa, tapi aku tidak menganli isterinya. dan aku jugak tidak pernah peduli utk mengenali dan mengambil tahu ttg hidupnya kini. yang lepas sudah berlalu, aku ingin memulakan kehidupan baru dan membuang ingatan pahit dan sedih. cuma,yang aku pelikkan sekarang, bagaimana seorang lelaki yang sudah berkahwin, masih boleh menelefon x-gf nya? walaupun hanya unttuk bertanya kabar. tapi, aku merasaakan itu adalah suatu tindakan yang sangat tidak wajar. aku sebgai seorang perempuan, sekiranya ditakdirkan menjadi seorang isteri, of course akan merasa sangat kecewa dan sedih dengan sikap suamiku. unless, i am a super duper woman with no jealousy and feeling. and unless, the woman that he pledged to does not mind his act , or worst, maybe the wife is ignoreant of his stunt. whatever his reason being, raya or no raya, birthday or no birthday or watsover, i would like to mention here, if he happened to read my writings (as i am aware he does), please just stop the wastings of calling me. plz, do not bother to. as i dont want that to affect any of the hew relationships that is built on trust and faith. jagalah hatinya baik baik. thts my last word, for u. for me, u are long dead from my life.

aku sudah lama tidak menulis. aku merajuk.tidak. aku sibuk. sikit-sikit.aku tidak ada idea bernas. ya juga. yang pastinya, dalam diam aku selama 4 bulan lebih ini, banyak peristiwa berlaku dalam kehidupan aku ini. aku kehilangan, kehilangan seorang pakcik yang aku sayangi. itu ogos yang dulu. dan aku langsung tidak mengjangkakan kehilangan itu akan berlaku. sebetulnya, tiada siapa yang mengjangkakan ia akan terjadi. tidak anak2nya,tidak adik beradiknya, yang kesemuanya berada di kuala lumpur. dan aku cuma dapat satu panggilan sedih, waktu aku di workshop sbb keretaku rosak hari itu. tanda musibah? mungkin jugak, sbb tak semena-mena baterinya 'kong' hari itu. aku cuma sempat berlepas balik malam itu dengan anak lelaki sulungnya. tapi hati ada rasa terkilan sedikit. tak sempat memohon maaf dengan pakcikku itu. dua minggu sebelumnya, aku tidak menegurnya seperti biasa semasa majlis walimah sepupuku. mungkin kerana semuanya sibuk haritu. tapi yang paling berkesan dihati, di aidilfitri ketiadaannya ada sedikit menjemput rasa senak di hulu hati. sbb tahun tahun dulu, dia paling meriah, jamu org makan2, layan para tetamu. dan yang paling menghiris hatiku, melihat muka nendaku yang pilu. di pagi raya, tak ada langsung secebis senyuman. aku cuma mampu memandang dari jauh, tapi aku pasti, ada air mata membanjiri kolam matanya. aku pasti. bila kubawa nenek ke kubur, aku lebih2 terasa sedih. aku tersentuh benar2 melihat dia menangis mengusap2 nisan kaku. apa yang mampu kubuat, cuma memeluk dan menyabarkannya. kami redha ya allah, cuma mungkin masih belum mampu keluar dari suasana duka. dan ya, sememangnya aidilfitri kali ini hanya berwarna warni di baju kami.

HELLO PEEPS!

i will be on hiatus officially starting from tomorow.

i have papers to write, u see 3/5...

on mon : medicine

tue : paediatrics

wed : off (thank god, to breathe)

thurs : surgery (killing!!)

fri : orhtopaedics

sat : ong (coolll!!)

wish me luck... and oh, try hard not to miss me, eh (i wish!) :P rojer and out.zzzzZZZZZZzzZZ

congrats DR NOUR EL HUDA!! congrats congrats..u done well, and i am so happy for u sis. berbaloi usaha selama ni...:). dan skang tinggal le generasi kitorang meneruskan perjuangan. insya allah, akan cuba out of my best efforts to follow ur footstep.. skang ni tgh study break lagi...semalam baru sampai from kt..letih wooo...pasal amik bas...nak amik flight, takde org nak pick dari KLIA..last2 decide juga amik bas..tapi takperla, bersusah susah dahulu...senang2 kemudian kan..dok memulun baca surgery nih...makin banyak, makin lupa...rasa kecut perut campur cemas campur ntah apa2 rasa lagi dok bergumpal2 dalam perut aku nih...hopefully sumernye akan berakhir dengan baik. aku cuma mampu berusaha, tuhan yang menentukan...ya allah, permudahkanlah perjalanan aku dalam sumer urusan dunia nih...amin. duduk dalam bilik sorang2 nih, macam2 fikiran datang.. tentang isu2 semasa yang mama dok bangkitkan..hehe, apa isu tuh....tungguuuuu...tgkla, kalau aku ada mood dan ada rezeki, akan ku warwarkan dalam bulan nih, tak pun bulan depan, tak pun lepas bulan january next year...tgk la seru tu bila :P tapi yang pasti, kata2 mama buatkan aku berfikir, aku ni dah tuer sangat ke?? tapi aku rasa aku muda lagi, dan masih kanak2 lagi...:) well, ari sabtu lepas actually aku balik ke kl...dari kl ikut family balik terengganu. mama dan abah ke kl pasal rumah kami di kl tu tgh renovate skang. sibuk la depa berdua dok berjumpa dengan kontraktor. telefon tu asik berbunyi2..kalah ceo syarikat...pastu dok berulang alik dari rumah pakcik di TTDI tu ke rumah kami di TTDI lama. nasib baik la dekat jer. alhamdulillah, dah 70% siap renovation tuh..dalam masa dua minggu lagi, agaknya siap la sumenyer...mama dan abah dah wat rancangan nak 'naik rumah' ari 6 hb 8 ni...semangat nye depa..aku masa tuh dah la baru habih exam...and depa pulak supposedly to come from jerantut lepas menghantar abg mir nikah kat umah kak mala. hai, melepas lagi aku satu majlis kahwin..tapi nak buat macamana, aku exam ari jumaat tuh..takpelah, walaupun tak pergi, aku ttp akan doakan depa kekal ke anak cucu. amin. nanti, sambut menantu kat trg, aku balik, insya allah. dah book pun flight tiket awal2...semangat kan aku nih...yelah, nak jugak merasa nasi minyak free. lama dah dak makan nasi minyak kenduri nih... aku ni dah melalut panjang2...buku surgery memanggil2...kene stop dah nih...doakan aku ye khalayak sumer...:)

i have this prejudice against death. i know that death is inevitable. that all living will taste death. that it is a natural process. that is the end of aging, (though sometimes this doesnt hold true). and none will escape. none. nil. null. as a medical learner, i am also at stake of facing deaths, every day. in contact, though indirectly. and been there, witnessing it. yet, i cant help from having this kind of prejudice. i for one, cant imagine myself dying. not at this very date. coz i am not yet fit or deemed to meet my creator. in my current state, not yet. but more, i cant imagine my loved ones dying. and to lose them. i know, again its inevitable, and if that were to happen. nothing in my power(not that i have any) can stop that from happening. well, now what triggers all this rants? it was a nightmare that rendered me sweating,panting. i chosed not to elaborate the mare more.. suffice to say,it was a mere dream, that evokes this strong emotion in me. i know that this is not acceptable of me. to love another human being more. to care about human being more. i should love my creator more. i should not be afraid of losing. ii should not be. this is not a haunting thought. i am not yet obsessed. and this is not yet intrusive. i hope they wont.but i cant help to wish i have them with me until i grow old. well, i shall pray hard that Allah sees to my loved ones safety and sounds. panjangkanlah umur mereka dan kasihanilah mereka seperti mana mereka mengasihaniku. AMIN.

i woke up precisely at 6.30 to the sound of my alarm clock lying lazily so cozy inside my comforter after taking bath 10 mins later i get dressed and stepped out precisely at 7 I am on my way driving to go to JJ Melaka so that i, who swears a semi partial die hard fan of potter will get the copy first in the morning beyond any breakfast i got there only small crowd overjoyed for the prospect of not queuing too long and there, i got my early cup of nescafe and biscuit kindly given by the staffs and also my precious copy of HP.

dah dua hari ganti puasa. today will be my third day. letih2 woo...balik bilik tido, tido and tido. until the extent i am scared with myself. hehe, memang hantu tido haku nih. my mind says " tido ler ko puas-puas, nanti dah dekat exam ko takleh tido pulak," but my subconscius mind telling " hah, tido lagik. exam dah tak lama weh, bangun bangun study," but then, looks like my body obeyed my conscious mind better... cemana tuh? haku plan nak pose direct. sbb per? aku dah bantai makan 4 kali sehari..mana idaknya? selera mkn best,berat aku pun dah naik dengan gembiranya...muscle mass increase, adipose tissues mass lagi ler...konfirm mak haku akan membebel lagi pasnih. dahler dia nak datang next week, adoiii!! aku tgh ada anticipatory euphoria..hehe, ada dua bende yang aku mmg dok tunggu akan sampai in this week. 1. harry potter 6th book 2. charlie and choc factory the movie. well well well, speaking about exams again. banyaknya dugaan utkku duduk dekat meja study and study as good gal. well, haku dah pre order HP tu awal2 lagik. bayor 30 hinggit kat popular bookstore.. on the 16th morning 7 am amik kat KFC kat jusco melaka. hai, takdenye aku nak bangun pagi2 pi serbu kfc tuh semata2 harry potter. i can wait for the store to open. tapi best jugek kan nak ngk how the die hard fan tu beratur nak amik their books. aku ni kira semi partial die hard fan je. tu maleh nak beratur pepanjang..well, we shall see, maybe if i happened to be terover rajin, haku pun akan turut memeriahkan sama proses penyerbuan kfc di pagi ari sabtu tuh. charlie lak, i will go and watch with fazli. hopefully he'll be free this weekend to come and see me. i shall pray hard..sbb pasnih, aku maleh dah nak kuar pi memana. nak dok diam2 dalam bilik lak. just a reminder for myself, shud not keep my expectation high for the movie. sbb, usually books are better than movie. tgk je la harry potter, not everything will be in play.

i just came back from jusco. i had one session of windowing this time. reason: tgh sengkek skang nih! ehe, for first time, i came back empty handed expcet for food. well, actually followed shah and shida shopping. shah bought an oven...well, dont ask me what he bought that for, ok? i guess he's cooking. well, looks like that, isn't it? the place was sooo crowded today. i guess ppl are doing last min shopping as today will be the last day sale for j card member. i dont really like crowded place. it made me feel uneasy and dizzy. guess i have that what the psych ppl call as agarophobia. the only thing, i dont have that palpitation, tachycardia or light headedness. so guess i am yet to qualify for the panic disorder label. lucky thing, me. :P well...i am going to indulge into my food now. for the day, its chicken sausage flavoured pizza....yum yum...wanna some??

todays entry will be fully in malay. aku ni pun org melayu jugak oii!

Malam malam cenggini mata aku ni makin susah nak tido. sbb apa? pasal dah banyak sangat tido petang. sapa suruh? takde org suruh pun,aku jer yang gatal tido siang. hah, amik kau..malam2 cenggini mata luas cam burung hantu...sian haku...:P

bukak la frenster...alamak, kecut perut jadinya...kengkawan aku yang wat medic sumer dah grad aa...si nizam tu mmg dah grad, dah kawin pun.sama la adlina..si shikin pun dah grad, tapi tak kawin lagi. si rusdi,nini and rahaizah pun dah grad.. depa lagi best, posting kat ganu...dak aci, jeles aku...keh keh keh..aku ni bukan apa, asik dok berangan bila dah habih esok, nak balik kg halaman...mak lak dak kasi...tapi takperlah, belajor ler berdikari...takkan nak dok celah ketiak mak aku sajer, yer dak? hah, yang kengkawan aku lak, pasni aku kene ler panggil depa ni dr...aku ler yang sorang2 tak habih lagi.sob sob sob...

sebenonyer tahap kejelesan aku ni, belum lagi mencapai tahap cipan, cuma aku skang ni tgh kecut perut...org putih kata butterfly in stomach...aku kecut perut nengok(act baca jer kat blog dia)ain study. ntah baper puluh jam in stretch non stop...giler sehh...skang nih aku belum lagi masuk gear 2...isk takleh dibiarkan ni...aku pun kene pulun habih2...nak grad on time, insya allah. amin.

aku dok ngadu kat mama susah study...she keeps on reminding me utk berdoa..doa la byk2, minta mudah sumer...aku mmg minta...moga2 Allah dengar permintaan aku nih...tu la, masa senang dak ingat dunia...nak berdoa pun lupa, time susah baru ingat..ni peringatan utk diri aku nih...kekadang aku pk, maybe sbb ni kot aku dok dengo citer ada student jadi giler.. banyak sngat nak cover...sampai dok terkejar2 mencover...nauzubillah, harapnya AllAH takkan tarik balik nikmat kesihatan mental yang setakat ni dia bagi pada aku. amin.

i received a bad news today. my auntie passed away yesterday. she's been suffering of SLE (read: systemic lupus erythematosus) for years. i know she's not doing well these days. but, i'm still in haze. o my god, i still cant digest the fact that she's no more with us. and i havent gone visit her for some times. i knew she was admitted, but never bother or find the time to visit her in hospital. when she was referred to SJMC early this month, she was soo near to me. yet, i didnt go. i went back to kl, and still didnt go. and now she's gone. and now, i cant even go back on time for her funeral. and now i lost my cousins phone no. and never offer condolescence. and i still call myself her cousin, her mom's niece? i'm so sorry ppl. if u are reading this. i dont want to drown u in my self pity/ guilt conscience. no. what i need is, some time. to engulf the fact and reality. ok, for time being... al-fatihah to che nah. may god blessed her soul and place her among His chosen ones. and my deepest heartfelt condolensce to kak lini and family.

THIS IS MY CURRENT EAR SOOTHING OINTMENT

PETERPAN - Mungkin Nanti

Saatnya ku berkata Mungkin yang terakhir kalinya Sudahlah lepaskan semua Ku yakin inilah waktunya Mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi Mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi Reff : Dan mungkin bila nanti Kita kan bertemu lagi… Satu pintaku jangan Kau coba tanyakan kembali Rasa yang kutinggal mati Seperti hari kemarin Saat semua di sini… Dan bila hatimu termenung Bangun dari mimpi – mimpimu Membuka hatimu yang dulu Cerita saat bersamaku Back To # / Reff Tak usah kau tanyakan lagi simpan saja untukmu sendiri semua saying kau cari semua rasa yang kau beri

yesterday, watched batman begins and mr&mrs smith. with ma frenz, azim, sho, shida,shah, meema. batman was, AWESOME. mr and mrs smith was so-so. the movie would have bore me to snooze if not for angelina jolie and brad pitt. and oh, angelina looked soooo gorgeous. and fatally sexy. no wonder mr smith actually dumped her old wife for the chick....not suprising here, man. but batman rawks...really enjoy the movie...considering the fact, i am no fan of batman, and was never the one eager to watch the previous sequelae. though must admit initially dont really has the expectation of enjoying myself. but i did. i'm glad azim made me come. we had real great time together. well, partly maybe coz i have not much on my shoulder at the moment. so i can sitback and relax, enjoy the day. and i never finished my popcorn...wasting wasting :P and today, we (me, meema, shida and zeti) went lunch in shakeys for shida's birthday. its been ages, i think, for all 4 girls day out. shida and meemo busy, are in ortho and surgery..so dont see much of them. well, now at least manage to squeeze some times for a small reunion. i am sinfully full. by the way, i accomplish a great task of cleaning my room in two days. so now, its in an acceptable condition. anyone interested in visiting may come anytime now. dont worry, no books strewn over my tables,floor or bed. no more. at least for the time being. wink~

AND WHEN SHE INDULGES IN HER GIRLISH SIDE....

You are Bloom!

What (non drugstore) Makeup Brand Are You?
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You are the Hopeful Bride!

Which Bride are you? -With Anime Pics!-
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You are a Mermaid, who sits on a rock in
the sea, looking and watching all humanity with
curiosity in your eyes. You have a two-sided
personality - On one hand, you revel in your
freedom and often prefer to live in your own
private dreams and on the other hand, humanity
intrigues you and you love watching on.

You
are actually very kind at heart and, hating to
see people hurt, you despise injustice. You
probably have one or two special friends, who
mean the world to you.

Also; you are probably
quite political, wanting to see justice done in
the world.

You are quite the dreamer, needing
your freedom and personal space to dream your
little dreams. You love to escape into a book
or some good music and just drift away.

Some
of your good points are that you are sensitive,
compassionate and a freethinker. Your bad
points are that you may come across as cool and
aloof to others and probably have a tendency to
depression.

You are the ultimate dreamer with
a kind - yet troubled heart.

Are you a Princess, Enchantress, Faerie, Mermaid or Toad? (with pictures!)
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You're a romantic girl. You're kind, caring,
loveing, and peaceful. You spend a lot of your
time dreaming and you're not afraid to express
deep emotion, whether it be in a poem, diary,
or words. You hope for love and affection from
your prince charming. I have a feeling he will
come around soon.

What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla

You know who you are

Britney Spears - From the Bottom of My Broken Heart

From the bottom of my broken heart

There's just a thing or two I'd like you to know

You were my first love,

You were my true love

From the first kisses to the very last rose

From the bottom of my broken heart

Even through time may find me somebody new

You were my real love

I never knew love

'Til there was you

From the bottom of my broken heart

CINTA ITU TAK TERLIHAT

Kenapa kita menutup mata ketika kita tidur ?, ketika kita menangis ?, ketika kita membayangkan ?. Itu karena hal terindah di dunia ini TIDAK TERLIHAT...

Ketika kita menemukan seseorang yang keunikannya SEJALAN dengan kita…kita bergabung dengannya dan jatuh ke dalam suatu keanehan serupa yang dinamakan CINTA. Ada hal-hal yang tidak ingin kita lepaskan. Orang-orang yang tidak ingin kita tinggalkan... Tapi ingatlah...

melepaskan BUKAN akhir dari dunia, melainkan awal suatu kehidupan baru. Kebahagiaan ada untuk mereka yang menangis, mereka yang tersakiti, mereka yang telah mencari...dan mereka yang telah mencoba. Karena MEREKALAH yang bisa menghargai betapa pentingnya orang yang telah menyentuh kehidupan mereka...

CINTA yang AGUNG ?, adalah ketika kamu menitikkan air mata dan MASIH peduli terhadapnya…, adalah ketika dia tidak mempedulikanmu dan kamu MASIH menunggunya dengan setia, adalah ketika dia mulai mencintai orang lain dan kamu MASIH bisa tersenyum sembari berkata 'Aku turut berbahagia untukmu'. Apabila cinta tidak berhasil...BEBASKAN dirimu... biarkan hatimu kembali melebarkan sayapnya dan terbang ke alam bebas LAGI. Ingatlah...bahwa kamu mungkin menemukan cinta dan kehilangannya… tapi ketika cinta itu mati, kamu TIDAK perlu mati bersamanya...

Orang terkuat BUKAN mereka yang selalu menang, MELAINKAN mereka yang tetap tegar ketika mereka jatuh. Entah bagaimana dalam perjalanan kehidupan, kamu belajar tentang dirimu sendiri dan menyadari bahwa penyesalan tidak seharusnya ada. HANYALAH penghargaan abadi atas pilihan-pilihanan kehidupan yang telah kau buat.

TEMAN SEJATI... mengerti ketika kamu berkata 'aku lupa..', menunggu selamanya ketika kamu berkata 'tunggu sebentar'. Tetap tinggal ketika kamu berkata 'tinggalkan aku sendiri'. Membuka pintu meski kamu BELUM mengetuk dan berkata 'bolehkah saya masuk ?'.

MENCINTAI... BUKANlah bagaimana kamu melupakan, melainkan bagaimana kamu MEMAAFKAN… BUKANlah bagaimana kamu mendengarkan, melainkan bagaimana kamu MENGERTI… BUKANlah apa yang kamu lihat, melainkan apa yang kamu RASAKAN… BUKANlah bagaimana kamu melepaskan, melainkan bagaimana kamu BERTAHAN…Lebih berbahaya mencucurkan air mata dalam hati, dibandingkan menangis tersedu-sedu. Air mata yang keluar dapat dihapus, sementara air mata yang tersembunyi menggoreskan luka yang tidak akan pernah hilang…

Dalam urusan cinta, kita SANGAT JARANG menang.. Tapi ketika CINTA itu TULUS, meskipun kalah, kamu TETAP MENANG hanya karena kamu berbahagia…dapat mencintai seseorang...LEBIH dari kamu mencintai dirimu sendiri… Akan tiba saatnya dimana kamu harus berhenti mencintai seseorang BUKAN karena orang itu berhenti mencintai kita, MELAINKAN karena kita menyadari bahwa orang itu akan lebih berbahagia apabila kita melepaskannya. Apabila kamu benar-benar mencintai seseorang, jangan lepaskan dia, jangan percaya bahwa melepaskan SELALU berarti kamu benar-benar mencintai.

MELAINKAN...BERJUANGLAH demi cintamu. Itulah CINTA SEJATI. Lebih baik menunggu orang yang kamu inginkan DARIPADA berjalan bersama orang 'yang tersedia'. Kadang kala, orang yang kamu cintai adalah orang yang PALING menyakiti hatimu dan kadang kala, teman yang menangis bersamamu adalah cinta yang tidak kamu sadari.

october,my birth month and here is the description. supposed that to be 'ME'.

OCTOBER

* Loves to chat

* Loves those who loves him

* Loves to takes things at the centre

* Attractive and suave

* Inner and physical beauty

* Does not lie or pretend

* Sympathetic

* Treats friends importantly

* Always making friends

* Easily hurt but recovers easily

* Bad tempered

* Selfish

* Seldom helps unless asked

* Daydreamer

* Very opinionated

* Does not care of what others think

* Emotional

* Decisive

* Strong clairvoyance

* Loves to travel, the arts and literature

* Soft-spoken, loving and caring

* Romantic

* Touchy and easily jealous

* Concerned

* Loves outdoors

* Just and fair

* Spendthrift and easily influenced

* Easily lose confidence

well, so what say u..are they my attributes? sheeshh...

i have finished my ONG posting, now i am in psychiatry...yiieehaaa...time to breathe, to live to and to rejuvenate... and to pamper...hehe ...that, i went for my second facial after nearly three yrs been here. my skin is in terrible state..my hormones are raging...well, it does.and the result is only badly hyperpigmented scarred face.......so saddd....sob sob sob...but not to worry...am going to fight em off...shake 'em off...:) well..my mood is slightly downhill today...for some reasons that i cant explain.its complicated u see...and i dont want to hurt those ppl that care about me...:( but i will tackle 'em and in no time, i hope will be able to think rationally again, and be myself. let's see, studies lately is 'in' again..well...i am currently busy understanding my niraj ahujaa book...hope will be able to finish them before the 5 weeks are over....its kind of diffilcult...for me...i just cant really understand this psyhiatry prob well. maybe,i dont have the insight...not yet...or worse, i dont possess the empathy...alas,after so much raving about empathy and sympathy...!!

it's been a tiring day. i woke up at 5 to the sound of my alarm phone. bangun and tediously start off my day preparing the day presentation. its boring, and maddening, when what u really want is just to get another wink of sleep. but knew very well that u cant, coz 5 mins became very valuable, as u have wasted the whole night snoring off...thank god, i did read the topic well though hurriedly, as the consultant actually pick me off today. was firing me quest after another. by the end of class, i was actually gasping for air. and again i thank god, coz no asthma attack tat particular moment. well, excitement in any forms can actually precipate my asthmatic attack, u know..so dont try to get me over excited...especially u, yeah , i mean u...any news,bad or good plz break it gently to me...ehe...:P and oh, the class was on laparoscopic surgery,(read: u operate by using small hole,view internal organ by means of a camera, and operate accordingly with multiple gadgets, i cant elaborately mention here!)and and cystectomy(read: remove the cyst from ur ovary) and TAHBSO(read: total abdominal hysterectomy with bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy, which in easy language, u remove your womb and both ovaries). yeah, we do watch a few of these procedures...and yes,some of it was one hella bloody business. and yeah, i'm not scared..and yeah, i never fainted once( well, maybe i nearly did once,but that one doesnt really count coz i was hypoglycaemic owing to lack of breakfast in that particular morning). well, after class, i went back to college. and at 3, we had another clinic with a consultant in MAHKOTA MEDICAL CENTRE. what should i say? the session was good and fruitful. though, at first i admit having this skeptical thingy about private practice.i thought they wont be showing us cases. i assumed the most we will be seeing is only the patients ticket. well, i was partially wrong. they let us listened to the interview, see the ultrasound in case of obs case, and discuss about it later on. though, no seeing during examination. but, at least, we are seeing something right. and i like the fella, he answers quests,precisely, and looks interested in teaching.he actually handled his patients very well ,smoothly and efficient and deftly explain things to patients.so by the end of the day, i can conclude that he is well deserving all those high funda certs hanging on his wall. not for decor purpose only. :) what intriguing us most, is the ultrasound machine we found there. haiyaa...very2 nice image...for the first time, i can see the baby's face(clear image of eyes,nose and mouth), the brain(including the ventricle and cerebellum),heart(all 4 chambers with the aorta),fingers of the limbs,kidney, genitalia, spine, basically everything from head to toe.this one, easily made what we has in govt,pale in comparison.its fancy and frills though, i agree. but nevertheless an experience for someone that always cracks head, when my turn for ultrasound posting day comes.i admit humbly that i need a book of ultrasound for dummies...anyone supplying one? i can always use one.:P till then.

A big jump in daily on-call allowances for doctors from June 1 PETALING JAYA: Specialists, medical officers and housemen in government hospitals will get a huge jump in their daily on-call allowances beginning June 1. Announcing this yesterday, Health Minister Datuk Dr Chua Soi Lek said the RM75 allowance for medical officers would be doubled to RM150 while housemen would get a 400% increase. “This is good news for the 9,000 medical professionals. They have been awaiting for this raise,” he said. Dr Chua said that there had been no review of the on-call allowances for the past 20 years. “We made a request for an increase last year and we got it this year. We must thank the Cabinet Committee on Promotions and Salaries chaired by Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi for this,” he said. The increase was expected to benefit 7,000 medical officers, 700 specialists and 1,000 housemen working in the hospitals, he told reporters after witnessing the handing-over of the RM687mil Serdang Hospital to the ministry. With the new on-call allowance, housemen can take home an average of RM700 to RM800 more a month. Currently, they get an average of between RM200 and RM250 monthly as they are paid only RM25 for each on-call duty. On the average, they do between seven and 13 on-call duties a month. When told about the increase in allowance, the doctors interviewed were elated, saying that it was long overdue as they were burdened with a heavy workload and long working hours. Dr Farah Naz Saleem, 25, who is among the 50-odd housemen serving at the University Malaya Medical Centre (UMMC), described the quantum of increase as a pleasant surprise as they had only expected to be given double the present allowance. “We are very happy and grateful to the Government as RM25 for each on-call service is not much for all the work that we do. “Even McDonalds workers get more than that. If you divide RM25 with 24 hours we barely get a dollar,” she said. Hospital Kuala Lumpur (HKL) houseman Dr N. Thiruchelvi, 30, said the increase would provide an incentive for more doctors to join government hospitals. “With the increase in allowance, at least more people will join us and help reduce the 36-hour stretch we have to do now (when on call),” she said. UMMC international and public relations officer Ismail Halim said housemen received a basic salary of RM2,137 and above, critical allowance of RM500, public service allowance of RM170 and housing allowance of RM210 a month each. Dr Joseph Jacob, a clinical specialist with the psychological medicine unit in the UMMC, also welcomed the long-awaited increase, saying that the Government should review their salary every year in line with the increasing workload. The Malaysian Medical Association said the new allowances would improve the morale of the medical officers and housemen. “We welcome the increase and it looks attractive although we had asked for more. “We hope the doctors will work harder,” MMA president Datuk Dr N. Arumugam said. He also believed that the increase would help in reducing the number of doctors quitting the public sector.

source: The Star Online

well, this is a good news for those in med field. and we, the young soon to be new generation of housemen are sooo lucky. at least, we are to jump into practice with a much more good pay, though not of lesser burden. rejoice!...hehe...now nomore /less 'kolumran' session about the discrepancies between money and workload,eh? well, my friends, those yg still unhappy, maybe should consider serving in sabah/sarawak...relatively higher pay i heard.iz that so? but, whatever it is, bottom line, first dictum is to get the work done seiklas hati....then , duit dapat, pahala pun dapat...isn't it beautiful? hehe, pesanan utk kak wan and maya(since diorang dah keje, and tak bujang trang tang tang lagi), ni elaun naik bila lagi nak belanja kitorang...kes kes kes...:P

i spent the whole morning and afternoon looking at ultrasounds. its a wonderful experience really, looking at the developing fetuses in the moms' wombs from many angles. the funny thing though, all the pregnant ladies keep on asking the dr in charge the same quests, " jantina apa anak saya,dr?" really, ladies, does it really matters if ur child is a gal or a boy? well, maybe to some it does. like for those that has too many gals or boys in a row already, they would like the other gender to be in the womb this time for a change..but gender doesnt really matter for me(if at all i were to become a mother, which is unlikely any soon),yela, as long as the child is healthy...tatau la if later i might be more keen on boy/ gal fetus...hehe, yang tu later la pk kan? but what is important is to nurture them jadi manusia yang berguna...yela, anak2 kan kain putih...mak ayah kene main peranan besaq nak corakkan mereka...and some more, this modern days, laki ka pompuan ka sama je...berdiri sama tinggi, duduk sama rendah...except in certain things, mmg kene accept yang guys has to lead..so tat;s it.. dah habih nengok tv..teruh pi gym..alamak letihs laa...baru je 60 kcal burnt today...slow2..first day, takleh la mengejut buat geganas,kang terkejut lak my cvs...yang lawak tu, i can leisurely jalan on the treadmill and cycle, cam org malas...kakak kat sebelah punya beria laju2...dia asik jeling2 jer...maybe dia ingat budak ni kene paksarela pi gym..hehe, actually partly true, i accompany my fren pi situ....sambil2 kene bebel ngan my mom about my weight...as usual...:P dah habih pi gym, pi melantak durian lak kat depan habeeb sultan...tahun ni tatau apasal nasib cam tak baper best ngan durian...beli asik tak baper sedap jer..last yearnya perghhhh...sedap gegila...pahit+manis+lemak hingga menjilat jari dan kulit durian...keh keh keh...tapi takpela, kali ni walaupun dak jilat sampai kulit, still dua biji habih kutelan ngan shoby....tu pun, still leh masuk lagi..mmg boleh masuk kot, if ada pertandingan makan durian kitorang ni...mmg hantu.... after that, balik kolej...mmg harum semerbak bau durian ni...jadi perfume kat baju kitorang...tapi pueh lah gak hati...perut dah kenyang kan... malam ni, membebel kat sini...alamak..dah lewat la..sleeping beauty kene tidoq...:) nite nite...

MY PAST AMBITIONS TILL DATE

1. age 6 : a kindergarten teacher, coz i admire my teacher so much at that point of time. she was my ideal woman. cikgu sakinah,a soft spoken, motherly and tak suka cubit2 or rotan2 when we all became too naughty..in fact, she was one of those rare few yang tersangat la penyabarnya...budak bising pun tak marah...yerla,kids right? what u expect??!!! so she is basically is meant well for her job. gamak2nya kat mana and cemana ler rupa cikgu tu skang? miss her alot..hope she is still sihat and happy in life.

2. age 7 : i dont remember having any particular ambition at this age...masa ni ambitionless...tak tentu masa depan..hehe

3. age 8 : nak jadi kesatria baja hitam...haha, comical aight? imagine me in that black suit...lawan resaksa jahat..zzzzzzzzzsssss...kes kes kes....

4. age 9 : time ni lagi banyak berangan wooo...nak jadi pemain bola tampar...ahaks, masa ni kan tgh glamer citer jepun tuh about sorang gal yang jadi pemain bola tampar kat school dia...alamak dak ingat le plak tajuknya..aaaa...moro attack....tapi for sure she was cute...(i was cute too..hahha) and my granma used to tie my hair like her...rambut lepas kat belakang,sweep, amik sket, ikat one each at the side...tah pepe description aku nih...alaa...for sure yang nengok citer tu tahu camna... then, i want to become a lawyer tooo...almaklum ler...tgk lam mahkamah kan lawyer cam poyo je debating....hehe...ni sumer pengaruh tv la nih...and ada ati gak time tuh nak jadi singer...kuss semangat, nasib baik sore aku ni, masuk audition pun tak pas...kalau dak jadi penyanyi sure mak aku ikat kat tiang luor rumah...hehe...and i also has wanted to become a model(perhghh..time ni mmg nak termuntah rasa....cam hyperemesis gravidarum)keh keh keh...apadaaa my ambition...but looking at the state of my physic, u should know very well, why i am sooooo illlll suited for this job..hehe, unless nak jadi utk iklan kanak2 ribena buleh ler...kah kah kah....oh yeah, not to mention, a philosopher....a what farah? u cant even tell between a ayam jantan and betina, dah nak jadi philosopher...

5. age 10 and 11 : at this point of time, i became abit sensible..i am on lookout for a doc. my reason: maybe masatu, it looks kind of glamorous with the spotless white coat and sthet. well, its superficial? i agree..but, it was the beginning...:) and oh yeah, i still have some romantic ideas in my head, i want to become a creative writer...well, pernah try menulis...written a few cerpen...u know those days we read dewan pelajar...and its kind of cool to send cerpen and get it published...i never sent one though..my mum, on the other hand, doesnt really smile wif the idea...she's scared i will cont to be a dreamer...hehe...

6. age 12 : well, yeah, i wanna become a doc hella for sure...admitted once, they suspected rheumatic fever....i had the sore throat,fever with the migratory fleeting and flitting joint pain, had the erythema marginatum and my esr was high...i was put on aspirin and penicillin,until age 18, which i undoubtedly defaulted without regret at that point of time. (though i now fully understand y i need the medication,and will now try my level best to coax and educate my patient if such need rises, and if at all i happen to meet another degil patient like myself). well, i will right? what goes round comes round..hehe...kesian my specialist tu, pujuk last2 bebel....but i admire him, he was one hella good doc!! and i wanna be like him.

7. age 13 and above....: well, yeah. i wanna become a doc...but altogteher for a good reason...:) help ppl, help ppl, help ppl... make some difference in ppls life...and thats it...maybe not to be hypocrite...earn some money...well, we are underpaid here in govt, and overworked as well, k... so dont put money on top list, or else u will be so demoralised...hehe, in govt la....private lain cerita, ma!

till date, i am fast becoming what i have dreamed to be..in a little more time, insya allah... if i practise adequate discipline to learn, i will gain enugh to go out as a safe dr..which i hope to accomplish in few months time..

ok, summary...i have wanted to become a doc since say, i was 10 . now i am becoming 24 this year(oh no...getting old!). so y the damn feeling like i am fast heading down the drain rather than going up the hill???!!! i chosed the wrong profession??? no? maybe i chosed the wrong college...what say u? i say i am bloody tired...cya later..:P

dear fazli, i got this for you...care to comment,honey??

p/s: i hope u are not this technical...;P

Understanding Engineers - Take One

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass Is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want.

Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Understanding Engineers - Take Three

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Four

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." " Both? "

"Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

"The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

i dont know what went wrong. but i cried today. yes i did, unashamedly i did. and in front of him.FAZLI. i dont know why i cried, i just cant reason out the torrent of overwhelming emotions in me that moment..its hard to describe, what i exactly felt..as numerous emotions rushed through me. as i feel a sense of helplesness, frustration,livelessness and longing cruise through me, i just cant look at him in the eye, though he patiently urge me so. maybe it was the distance, maybe it was the limited time together, or maybe it wasnt all that after all, it was the miserable me that manifesting itself. or maybe it was all that after all.yeah, it does look like that...more of all those....for once,i dont feel like letting him go. i have missed him all this while, though i have coldly dismiss the feeling for long time..quietly convincing myself that i am strong, i can stand tall and face everything alone..that i am in no real danger of losing my heart again to some other guy,i will never learn to trust ppl again,but i was all wrong... it has happen. and i dont know when it happened. i am at my most vulnerable state. i just can silently pray, that he after all, is THE ONE. to fazli, i'm sorry for all the harsh words, the silent treatment. i just cant gather myself to say this myself.. but, yes, u meant alot to me... take a great care of urself..:)

oh gosh, its been exactly two months. yeah, precisely two months i abstinence from writing.. well, what hindered me from writing these days was pure laziness, and to some extent is the current hecticness of my schedule..like for tonite..i am just back from my accident and emergency nite postin...phew...the hospital today was so crowded...i endlessly sucking blood and setting branula.and running here and there doing all other kind of odd jobs, like doing ECG and giving injections. oh yeah, forget to mention, currently i am all in for a new profession - blood sucker or dracula, thats what shoby keep on calling me...but what ever it is, i willingly do it...as i really need to master the skill and art before i graduate next year...tak lah nanti terkial2 wat bende simple camtu pun tatau....takke susah kalau camtu ? alhamdulillah, last time takut2 gak nak cucuk org....now, abit berani and successful most of the time,...just now in a&e, saw one baby febrile fit..cute sangat...but he's having status epilepticus.sian dia..then drug overdose lak..jadi hypoventilate..blue coulour....nasib baiklah cepat revived with its antidote...if not....:( tgk drs all very cool with the emergency...i hope one day, i shall be like them too...cool and steady yet can work efficiently...amin... tomorow, we plan of going to haemodialysis unit....have to get up early...as we have to go hospital at 7am...their round starts at 7.15...so i guess i better call it a nite....so ppl, good nite!:) nice to see u all again...

rently, i am in kl. writing from a remote cyber cafe in uptown. well, lets see. what had i done for past few days. ummm...fled from melaka on thursday. i bunked my clinics for 2 days...shame on me...but i have to guys, really need extras 2 days for my sessional, or more for basking around in heavily airconditioned room, sleeping like a log. another shame on me....

parents and bad bad sisters came down on friday. mum spoilt me rotten with her super delicious kampung style cooking. so i bet by the end of the week, i will be a few pounds more fatter. though i cant afford to be any fatter. well. and today the hse is fuller than the usual. school holidays starting, so my aunts and cousins also are down.and i am expecting another family by evening. well, the more the merrier, but i am abit worried with my studying arrangement as the house is abit too noisy nowadays. have to start finding a secluded spot for my reading.i am going bonkers!!!hehe

i am missing fazli. though he's still in kl. its impossible for me to go out wif him coz he's also having papers. do well, honey. i am going to make this up for us later.

my family is going back tom, they're insisting of me going wif 'em. wat do u think? shud i go? i dont think so as i might not be coming back at all for my exam then. hehe evilgrin^

k ppl, i might not be able to update for awhile. so u all be good while i'm gone..oh yeah, and kakwan, dont be worried. u will do fine..anyway, what can turn more worse, when u actually have undergone all the worst things in med school? chin up, head up young dr!!!and good luck

i finished my medicine end of posting exam today. alhamdulillah. soo relieved. rasa macam terlepas sumer beban. yet, cant relax kaw2, coz my sessional will be coming in 2 weeks time. i am contented though, for a day of laziness. ok ppl, need a nap. my eyelid is getting heavier...c ya later.

READ THIS: IT'S COOL...SO TAKE 5 EVERY 5 MINS EVERYONE...HOW I WISH MY LECTURERS CAN SEE THIS..HAHA...THE RATE I AM GOING NOW, I SHOULD AGE BY 60 0R ABOVE...:p

Laziness cures brain cells and extends life span

03/04/2005 18:14

Human beings need to relax when they feel like it - it is a very good remedy for the body and especially for the brain

Better doing it tomorrow than doing it today. The people, who prefer to follow this philosophy, can now boast of having a scientifically grounded excuse for their laziness. It goes about the book titled "The Joy of Laziness," written by a former professor of medicine, Peter Axt, and his daughter, Michaela Axt-Gadermann, a doctor and a scientific journalist (Germany).

The two authors wrote the book to stand up against the domination of the beauty and efficiency model, which can be supposedly achieved with the only one way - hard work. The two German specialists believe that excessive sports exercises can be as destructive as stress and cut people's life span. Physical exercises, the scientists believe, intensify the production of so-called "free radicals," unstable molecules, which possess only one electron instead of two. Such a peculiarity makes molecules becomes balance-oriented, as they attach an electron of another molecule nearby and create new instability. Metabolism turns free radicals to hydrogen peroxide, which deteriorates cells and accelerates the ageing process.

Excessive physical exercises exert a negative influence on the human body on the whole. They boost the activity of mitochondria in muscle cells. Mitochondria function as the main center for the production of free radicals. They also act as the center of cell energy, where reactions of the breathing chain take place. Hydrogen peroxide appears as a result of these processes again: the substance can be neutralized with antioxidants that can be found in fruit and vegetables. Peter and Michaela Axt, however, say that laziness can become a very good substitution for fruit and vegetables.

A healthy walk and moderate nutrition can bring a lot more good to a long and active life. The German scientists say that one should not be shy about taking breaks at work, especially if there is no boss around. Peter and Michaela Axt say that human beings need to relax when they feel like it - it is a very good remedy for the body and especially for the brain. A moment of relaxation helps the brain neutralize cortisol - the hormone that the human body produces in stress situations. The stress hormone is capable of damaging brain cells and leading to memory loss and premature senescence.

Peter Axt and his daughter are perfectly aware of what they wrote in their book. Peter, 65, was a member of the German national track and field team. He took part in international competitions, which were definitely preceded with many days and hours of exhausting physical exercises. Peter's daughter followed her father's example and clinched a silver medal in a 10,000-meter racing competition in Germany, Newsru reports.

pardon me if this entry doesn't make much sense. its 10 mins to 4 in morning and i am still up and about,though mind not so alert anymore.still half conscious,moderately cooperative and half stable. mind is still sound though. so no worries here. sitting uncomfortably with neck and backache due to excessive bending. finishing my medicine write ups cases in between dozzing off to sleep. haiaya...my alarm clock rings already. wat a nuisance...i wanna sleep...i wanna sleep...i think gonna pop down some pcm now. head starts to rage. maybe it shud go wif a nice cup of coffee..yeah, it shud. .need to be insomnic today. so till then, bear wif the insomnic queen. be good peeps!

I am currently hooked to this series - DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE. its darkly comedic, wild and amusing .since my room has no tv,thus no ASTRO watsoever, i am contented to watch 'em through the network. and i am currently very2 backward. but really this series really berhantu, that i actually glued to my com screen for hours. for those that is not aware of the series, click here. i like all the characters, bree is too purrfect, but nevertheless stylish(i love her hair, and her outfits). gabrielle is hot, man. but doesnt like her romantic affairs though. i pity lynette so much, maybe if i were her, i'll just spank the kids hard...well, they deserves it u know,notty notty boys.. and susan, she's too clumsy, and always fell into embarrassing situations. maybe she's my least fav. hehe...

and look, i try my hands on this quiz thingy.see my result?

Congratulations! You are Bree Van De Kamp, the
Martha Stewart on steroids, whose family is
about to mutiny.

Which Desperate Housewife are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

:P haha, do u think i have some resemblance to this mrs purrfect wife, mother and housekeeper? dont think so, i dont cook cuisines for dinner (maybe not yet), and i dont scrub my kitchen clean or arrange flowers everyday. but wait, maybe i have some traits as her, like high regards of wat is correct, and respect for god, huhu.....I am the next Mrs purfect in making, but FAZLI u wont go and find another woman to appease ur 'other' interest, will u? huhu, now i am more like GABRIELLE SOLIS...;) and this goes out to someone i really miss at the moment..u know who u are! and ladies and gentleman, pardon me for my jiwangness..

Makin Aku Cinta

Caramu Mencintaiku Menjauhkan kecurangan Seperti bintang Yang setia pada bulan

Memegang kukuh janji Menemani aku sampai mati Terpasung hati Tulusmu mendampingi diriku

Makin aku cinta Cermin sikapmu yang mampu Merendam rasa keakuanku (Mengerti, memahami cinta)

Caramu memanjakan ku Kau rujuki kesejukan pagi Memasang hati Tulus aku, memasrahkan diri

Jangan pernah terbesit hati Meragukan kesetiaan yang tercurah Aku dan dirimu ditakdirkan satu Langit jadi saksi

i have no idea to update. coz my life is slightly static these few days. oh, yeah, been suffering from headache since sunday. tatau la pasal pe, maybe coz of the heat. amik panadol tak jalan. so, i resort to alternative medicine. i used the aloe vera gel on my scalp, alhamdullilah. relieve sket the pain and sejuk jer... and i used the super kino patch on my soles at night. bangun pagi2,buka the patch. terkejut...haiyark, manyak toxin wooo....the patch turned black... but dont ask me the physiology or mechanism of action of tht patch ok. coz i donno.somehow, i do have some amount of faith in certain types of alternative medicine. like acupuncture. my mom tried before and it works for her back pain relief. though more of temporary solution. and last time when i was 16, i had one full year of acne full attacks, and after some herbs preparation by my mom's fren ( he practise iridolog, i think), all the pimples dried off. donno coincident or what. but i still believe some branches of alt med works... ok2, my two cents :)

Understand death has no use for time.

No time is any better, any worse.

Cancel twenty years or eighty-nine,

Love's a loss one cannot reimburse.

Each of us lives for an eternity,

Dying only after our forever.

Early or late, we vanish equally,

All unconscious of the ties we severe,

No longer either separate or together

I saw a patient of Bronchogenic Ca(lung cancer) today. when i first entered the room to accompany my fren clerking the case, there was this chinese MO, standing with the family members. he is breaking the news. and he did it the way it should be, with empathy,and looking all professional about it. i was gawking at him,with awe. coz, i imagined myself in his shoes(though i must say his shoes must be wayyy to big for me as i wear a size 4 only) and i think i wont be able to do it half as good as he did. yeah, coz of my emotion. my emotions always fail me.i am an emotional gal, i feel strongly for most of things. though some of u strangers might feel i doesn't look like one. but i am, i am no heartless insensitive goat. i know we are taught this in med school - to show empathy,not sympathy, towards our patient. but, at times i do find it diffilcult not to differ, and to draw lines between those two. sometimes, i found tears welling behind my eyes when i look at my chronically ill patients. sometimes, i feel like weeping for them, for all the sufferings and hardship they are going through. they are the booster when my spirit dying off, when i feel like giving up. when i feel down when my lecturers scolded or chased me out into the corridor(well,not me alone..most of my groupmates do get chased out). yeah, they are the source of my strength. the simple thank yous and smile they gave always lighten up my day.

and this chinese patient, whom i was referring to, is having stage 3b of lung ca. which is the second last stage of the disease. they wont be treating him with surgery, as u see, almost the whole of left lung is involved. and u cant remove the whole lung. so, they are giving him what we call palliative treatment, just to improve his quality of life, for the remaining years or months or days that is left. but knowing the nature of disease, obviously he wont make it long. the truth is staring brazenly at him and the family members - he's gonna die. time is running short for him, and for the family. he is taking it all in a stride,very calmly and listening to the dr quietly.when i glanced up, on the dressing table,i saw a self-made white papercard with a picture of a org lidi lying on a bed,with a large bold letters saying -TO GRANDPA,GET WELL SOON. i instantly feel the emotion rushed and surfaced. i supressed it, but looking at him again, i feel sad. i was thinking of his grandchildren. it must be hard for his loved ones to accept the fact. but, it happens to everyone. each and every of us will suffer loss, and will be lost. however,by the end of the day. i learnt one lesson - to savour each heartbeats, to do good while i am able too, to appreciate the ones that loves me, to thank god for what i have everyday. i am no god, i can never cure, but at least, i can try to make a difference in my patients life, with the skills and knowledge that i am bound to have. before i take in the hippocratic oath(which i hope will be in feb next year), i swear in the names of god, that i will work hard, earn my degree ,but not forgetting my humanity. my patients are not objects,they are human.

we has two additions at home. a pair of cute kittens and bunnies. on the nite of hari raya haji, we found the first kitten lying in front of the gate in pouring rains. my sis, who is our future vet, immediately running and jumping up and down at the sight of the poor kitty, squealing with delight at the prospect of a new pet.Dad has been persistent before of not getting anymore pets. but, this one just broke the rules. the kitten was immediately adopted and given food and shelter. much to my siss delight. becoz of that, i nearly missed my bus to mlk. apparently the very next day, another kitten appeared mysteriously on the doorstep. that also was automatically adopted. u see, our house has always been the shelter house for kucing2 terbiar. but, one sad thing, when they arrived mysteriously on our doorstep, skinny, hungry and ugly.we will take them in, give them a home, gemukkan mereka with friskies and whiskas until dad pockets has a hole bayar beratus2 sebulan for feline's food,shower them with our affection and love .then after a while, after they look adorable,gemuk and clean, they will also go mysteriously missing. mum and sis will then end up crying again. aparaa...asik buat my house rumah kucing2 yatim jer.

oh yeah,regarding the two kittens, there is a big confusion for their name. as they are partly brown and white, mum call them cik lat and cik teh. abah calls one cik nor and another cik ton (after my mum and my aunt). and my granny calls one tipah and selamah. my sis? she names them julie and lily(one after my late cat). and finally,after the arrival of the bunnies, they were decided on being sapphire and ruby. but i donno la, which is which. my sis should be able to tell, as she is the godmother now.

the bunnies arrived last week. we went to pasar tani, as abah was looking for pokok bungas. my two siss came in and saying they are going to visit the arnab booth. suddenly, when i came into the car, i saw them clutching the plastic with the poor bunnies inside. siap ngan kangkungs...excellent and efficient move. mum and dad cant say anything...i seriosly suspect they also want the bunnies, coz after that, they spent almost every afternoon and evening playing with the two species. but really, they are cute. the bunnies are named emerald and diamond.funny aight, calling "diamond,diamond,meh maakan kangkung." hehe....

before this we has had few pets.from cats to canaries to fishes to bunnies also

well, u see, our so much loved pet - a persian named TIGERBOY as for his close resemblance to tiger, has died few months ago in a very tragic manner- broke my sister's and mum's heart alot.he was the last before dad imposed a rule of not allowing anyone adopted a pet. some car apparently hit him. and sis said it was terrible. since i wasnt at home at that time, i cant give much account of what happened. but, nevertheless, boy also was so lovable, and loving. very manja and suka dimanja.

and my very own pet, I named her GIRL,LILY OF THE VALLEY. She also went missing few months before BOY died. we strongly believed that she also is dead. it broke my heart too. i remember the phone call so well. i was waiting for fazli to finish his maghrib prayer in the surau in front of the college before dinner. suddenly, the phone rang, my sister was on the line. she was abit teragak2, and was saying: "kak, nak kabor nih,tapi ermm,jgn sedih," when, the words were said, i know its something concerning my girl. coz they all know very well, how much i love the cat. until, mum used to accuse me of loving the cat more than my sisters. well, partly its untrue, cos i regard her as my companion and my child. i know this sounds insane, or maybe absurd. but she meant so much to me...she was always there for me, sitting wif me when i was sad or happy. she loves me as much as i do. she trusted me as i trusted her. thats y my mouth went dry when i heard my sis tone, and knowing what was coming. and then, sis said she went missing in action for few days already. and they were so frantic looking for her everywhere. its true, in the past, lily been missing for few days. but she will always come back. but this time,she doesnt. i know then,i wont be seeing her anymore. so i went weeping there and then with my sis listening on with horror, i know, coz she was yelling at mum, saying "kakak nangis dah." and mum doesn't help much by saying she spoke to my aunt. and my aunt said that usually a cat whenever they are about to die, if they love the family they are with, they will bawa diri and die alone somewhere else. it even futrher broke my heart. i wont be seeing her for the last time.and she died a loner. there will be nomore sight of her being overjoyed at seeing me when i come back home for my holidays. or her running to me whenever hearing my voice with her favourite friskies. she wont be accompanying me studying until late at night, fighting for my attention by sitting on my books that i left open. and nomore her large brown eyes looking up wide and soft whenever i talk to her,seeming to drink in every words, or sharing my pillow(she sleeps with me) or cuddling like a baby in my comforter or her soft contented purring sound when i tickled her. oh gosh, how i miss her. and thats y, i can never betray her by getting another pet. i know this sounds absurd, but i feel she understands my emotions, seems to understand when i am sad or down. and she's soo special to me. she was once, my most loyal fren before i met FAZLI. and i thank god, because Fazli is a very supportive partner. most ppl might be frowning when they are reading my entry now, maybe u all will be thinking i am such a baby or fool to cry over a mere dead cat. but, u see, again she's not only a cat, she is a fren. maybe u wont understand the depth of the love that i have for her, but nor do i. and fazli, seeing a weeping me, after his prayers, doesn't laugh or smile at me. he instead looked concerned, and when i told him what has happened. he doesn't love either. instead, he squeezed my shoulder and let me weep until i came to my senses. man, thats y i love him. his gestures are enough to tell me, that he's there and will always be there for me. though lily is nomore there. MY LILY.

TO lily, i will always remember u. u are a good friend. and i shall hold u dear always in my heart. i hope u are happy up there in heaven. always know, That i have always love u lily. with all my heart.

alhamdulillah, i am feeling much better. my voice is back too. today, attended clinic as usual. saw one case of acute gouty arthritis. thats all, less hectic this few days. anyways, tomorrow i'll be starting nite posting for medicine, and that will only be four hours. well things do look good so far. and farah faizura is still smiling happily. was browsing through one forum. and look, what i found. a foodguide for those who are calorie conscious. wanna know how many calories ur fav food contains? just click this - GUIDE TO MALAYSIAN FOOD CALORIES! So anytime feeling like dieting, u ppl may always refer for urself which food to be avoided. oh, yeah, lately farah faizura's once upon a time nearly flawless skin(perasan sket,haha) has becoming worse. breakouts weyyy...sob sob.. i think i is partly due to my diet, but i wanna blame my hormones more....haiya...amik roaccutane aa camni..hehe..tapi takut side effects... so, i am currently looking for a good skincare to tackle this prob. any suggestions? cadangan dibuka dari skang...1,2,3! get set go!!!

farah faizura is finally back in the college, safely, and spent. still in euphoric state though. my one week of holiday was spent in the manner it should be, wif hours of undisturbed peaceful sleep and visits to various foodstalls. habaq je apabende, sumer dah masuk dalam perut. nasi ayam, nasi lemak, nasi minyak, nasi biryani, nasi dagang, nasi kerabu dan nasi biasa, laksa, keropok lekor(my fav), eskim goreng sumer dah rojak dalam perut ni, leaving no wonders as for the reason of my recent and sudden weight gain. and mum is nagging again, about the importance of keeping in shape, apa2 lah maa...whatever it is, TERENGGANU RAWKS!!! my aunties from singapore came down and visited our home. i've never met them, so initially it was slightly awkward. and they were another reason, why dad was practically visiting all the foodstalls. and i menumpang ler sekaki and seperut, tak makan rugi wooo...nanti kempunan..hehe. oh, yeah, about my aunties, they were so excited about everything. visiting kampungs,seeing a traditional kampung house,eating kampung foods, they even went to a batik factory, learning how to canting batik. as i have been living here, most of my life, i just feel every single thing is very normal. i, on the other hand, envy them, coz they are actually going on makan angin forever,from europe to japan to terengganu in one month. how i wish can duduk goyang kaki cam diorang...egege, dak baik kan? oh yeah, i reached KL yesterday morning.by bus. to be accurate, a SCHOOL BUS,yelah bus tambahan.i slept off most of the 8 hours journey. so, i dont really feel how bad it was. my bf who sat next to me, sat awake most of the time. kesian dia, katanya bus tu merangkak. naik bukit semput, terbatuk-batuk. hehe, kesian bas tu sakit. tu dah satu hal. actually, we were supposed to take another bus. but, tahu2 je la bas tambahan. tak sistematik lasum. tiket pun oversold. main letak jer no bus, tgk2 when i reached there, no more seat for us. so, we have to wait for next bus, masatu, barulah menyesal dak dengar nasihat org tuer2 suh amik flight - now everyone can fly..hehe, even though slightly expensive (tapi still cam bas ekspress), i wont be facing the same problem. tapi nak wat cemana, tiket bas dah kat tgn, so now everyone can berebut la jawapnya,hehe, and believe me, thats what i actually did. masa nak naik tu, bukannyer civilised and with manners pun. main tolak,rebut, naik jer...hehe....rule of 3 yang baru tu..dahlah i am petite, jadi sardin dalam lautan manusia..bau jgn cakapler,sumer ada, hamis,hapak, wangi, bau cam cekelet pun ada,tah deoderant apa diowang pakai...dah tak kira dah masatu, my aim was just to get two seats so that i can reach kl next morning so i wont miss class the next day...bila dah naik tuh, tetiba, i saw my dad already on the bus, grinning from one ear to another,masa bila dia naik tak tahu lah...hehe...kusselamat, kalau tahu takyah i susah2 tolak2 ngan bebudak lelaki tadi....habis kelemahan kelembutanku..hehe...tu ar, my bf busy with my luggages...sian dia....bila bas jalan, i straightaway dozz off, tiring wooo....main tolak2.. now, i am safely tucked in my comforter. haiya...but am having flu now. got headache, running nose and low grade fever. my sinusitis is in action again. tapi, takper, dah rehat gegila dah past 1 week, its time for WORK, WORK AND MORE WORK. apa2 je la sinus, i will get my dose of sleep, and cont my routines with light heart..hehe....so farah basically, is one contented gal!

F	Fresh
A	Accurate
R	Revolutionary
A	Appreciative
H	Hardworking
F	Fresh
A	Amorous
I	Influential
Z	Zany
U	Unforgettable
R	Radical
A	Awesome

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

it's a lovely day. i wake up feeling soo much better. yeah lah, finally i got my beauty sleep.(no more sleepless nites delivering babies and attending to vaginas) and osso, today, am going back to my hometown. FOR 1 WHOLE WEEEK. how nice is that? suddenly , we got the holidays we are always denied of. but this osso it seems cos the lecturers wanna go back to india or go cruising to hadyaii(or so it seems according to rumours, well, the hosteliers hehe, will know how like wildfire the rumours spreading). what ever it is, i still am not a totally free spirit yet. bearing in mind, that my sessional exam is just around the corner, i am forced(^sigh~)to take back the whole set of medicine books( count: 8 of 'em, exlusive the thick PG level Harrisons) back home and study 'em until i vomit blood. Well, actually the thought of it osso can make me vomit already. BUT, anyway, my family will be there, and i still can steal few hours for outing and shopping wif frens (and prolly bf) (^wink*) so its all compensated. lovely days...

and then, i wanna go collect angpow banyak2...gong xi fa cai....anyone married here? celebrating chinese new year? hah, hulur2 la angpow tu....me tgh sengkek ni skang...:P

oh, yeah, another rumours coming , our school system is gonna be changed. starting from my current batch some more. donno y, we always get to become the white mice. always, they experiment on us. hurmss.. we are most prolly getting the comprehensive exam. means, for my final, i will be sitting for 1 long case (which can either be surgery, medicine, ONG, pediatrics, chose only one, depends on my fate, with all 4 lecturers of diff departments crowding me, bombarding me wif questions from different aspect, of same case..) haiyaa...lunyai la camni....takut seehhh... after that, we get 3 short cases. selain yang dapat for long case. but the bright side is, most prolly my study break for unis this year, will be prolonged to february next year. so i'll get more time to cover eberything. so better start now... Ok ppl, happy chinese new year. enjoy urself. but, just pray that there wont be another tsunami coming during this festive season. so sad, at least for now, mum wont let me go near the sea anymore. i have to go back and convinced her, that very unlikely another one coming, yeah lah, no earthquake what. anyways, ENJOYYY!!

LETS TALK AGAIN ABOUT CARS (mari bercakap semula ttg kereta!)
this is my dream baby - A PEUGEOT 206CC.

green in colour, cun or not?? noo??!! hehe,takperla...but i think it's sexy, sensual,feline, and yummy too...mcm ler boleh makan kerete ni... anyway, mmg i fall head over heel in love with this car. there was a chnkos gal that owns this car in da college last time, tht was dazzling blue. i spotted another one this sem, of this green. mmg cun habihs..tapi for sure, the price pun sure cun habihs. the latest price i got from the net is RM 149,000 exclusive tax. whoaaa....mahai tuh..hehe, looks like i have to work for 10 years, then only can get behind this wheels.

hah, this is another one, blue in colour.
when the roof is opened. comel la if nak bawa pi amik angin kat tepi pantai.

and another one, pandangan sisi sket...yummy, this is what i call designed for perfection.

it looks sporty aight, but at the same time feminine....haiyark, malam ni jgn ku bermimpi udahler...^wink* tapi tak mengapa, the first step is to dream, then to translate dream into work , and finally to achieve. yeah,insya allaH

ITS A MUSHY MUSHY DAY...SO, PLEASE BEAR WITH ME WHEN I AM BEARRY MUSHY.
-Sensitive- You're Sensitive, and you'd like to
stay that way. Sorry,listened to a bit too much
Jewel there. You're sweet and very emotionally
charged. You definitely love the person you're
with, and always want to know how they're
feeling so you can make sure they're happy.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your Heart is Pink

What Color is Your Heart?
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just get to know, another friend tied the knot last raya. what a shame. i suddenly feel like i am an alien. everyone around me suddenly seems like settling down. if not news bout 'em getting engaged, they are getting hitched as mrs dot dot dot. well, yeah, its high time for them to start a real life. they all are working ppl, earning hot cash,if not doing the postgraduates. and me? i am still frantic to settle down with my goddamn thick books. and papers. stacks of 'em. do i regret my choice? i wont be a hypocrite anymore and say no, i do, sometimes. yeah, some nights i do lie awake. thinking back, reflecting myself retrospectively, when i was a naive gal always having good opinion about things, unaware of how cruel life can sometimes be. those days were gone, and never will be back. i was so very firm with my decision, believing that i'd be able to breeze anything that come my way. i stand by my decision, though my wise mum has tried every and all measures thinkable to her, to scare me off, to set my mind off and to save me. She failed miserably. i was all but into this. And i get what i wanted. so, here i am. still lamenting about my chosen fate. so, who am i to blame? i can blame no one, but myself, for my stubbornness. or should i blame my parents, for maybe i inherited the traits from 'em? i think not.

watching a baby gets expelled from the uterus doesn't affect me. watching blood trickles down in the process also never bothers me. even watching major surgeries with many many blood splashed everywhere also never alarm me. but, this one does. it actually made my stomach feel queasy. i am feeling nauseaous. well, it is the pictures of tsunami victims in thailand sent by one of my colleagues. i just donno why, maybe because the sight i vision was so horrible. well, yeah to certain extent it does look horrible, me looking on with horror, eyes wide open and mouth gaping. poor victims. they looked almost the same, with bloated bodies and eyes popping nearly out of the socket. they are generalizedly distended. or maybe my queasy feeling is just because of post vomiting session in exam hall. yeah, i just sealed off my perjuangan in malaysian studies classes today, which is another extra burden set off for us "the private students" by LAN. i just dont get the point, mister. i wont lose my jatidiri just because i dont learn history again in my tertiary education. but,again, who am i to complaint? ok, ok..now i have to rojer out. nature calls and need to get some shopping done afterwards. shall comment more later.

Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions. --David Borenstein thank god, at least there was someone who totally understand and embrace the naturalness of emotions. i wanna marry u,mister ^wink wink. wait...,,,who the hell is he?!!?!! hope not another weirdo of human species. ah, whateva!

ishhh... i am practically shivering now. my aircond is set at 18 degrees. feel like living in igloo now.(but igloo is warm i reckon, whatever(shrug))know why? i am trying to stay awake. sometimes cold weather do make my eyes pops out awake. weirdo?yeah, i am in certain ways. :P. my lec just gimme a wake up call. suddenly i realize it is hardly another 9 months before i sit for my final exam...a very scary thought indeed. i better start studying now and try as much as i can to become a hardcore kiasu.(i doubt i succeed to become one though) but seriously, everyone around me start already, i dont want to be left out. i better join the crowd. so dont be amazed to see me later keeping my nose sticked/glued to the book(concentrating lahtu,konon!). what a bad scene. but dont have a choice. now i know why ain sounded so frantic in her blog started last sem. i just contracted the heat. and know what, for this week alone. i am practically running against time. i had 18+7 cases to write. two more labour room posting, meaning will be on call from 8pm-6am for another 2 days, which means disruption of my sleep wake cycle for another one week.on top of that, one stack of malaysian studies notes craving for my attention in next two days, plus a 2 hours paper of malaysian studies to write.please pray for my sanity.please, please. i dont want to end up in psychiatric ward next week. at least, not yet.

pheww...finally i managed to get all the coding right. so now, taaadaaa! a new look, new layout. how u like it? u dont? hehe, i cant be bothered. it took me five hours to fix everything. my back is nearly killing me. yeah lah, keep on bending to tend the computer. but, i am satisfied with the result. i know some of u ppl (read: mohd fazli!) wont like the colour coz its too pink. but my mind is decided on being pinky this time. so here it is. put up with it, ok hon? i took the skin from here. but i think it look abit like ains site after i finish it. maybe i shud remove the read and listening part. lets see. maybe later. hungry la...now its coffee time!

i am going back to trg today. so there, HAPPY AIDILADHA! See u after raya. enjoy the holidays,peeps! but dont eat too much red meat, else u get urself landed in hospital with high BP. so tekke,ppl!

some friend send this to me. i found this so touching... Lady: Why do you like me..? Why do you love me? Man : I can't tell the reason.. but I really like you.. Lady: You can't even tell me the reason... how can you say you like me? How can you say you love me? Man : I really don't know the reason, but I can prove that I love you. Lady: Proof? No! I want you to tell me the reason. My friend's boyfriend can tell her why he loves her but not you! Man : Ok ok!!! Erm... because you are beautiful, because your voice is sweet, because you are caring, because you are loving, because you are thoughtful,because of your smile, because of your every movements.. Unfortunately, a few days later, the Lady met with an accident and became a vegetable. The Guy then placed a letter by her side, and here is the content: Dearest, Because of your sweet voice that I love you...Now can you talk? No! Therefore I cannot love you. Because of your care and concern that I like you.. Now that you cannot show them, therefore I cannot love you. Because of your smile, because of your every movements that I love you.. Now can you smile? Now can you move? No, therefore I cannot love you... If love needs a reason, like now, there is no reason for me to love you anymore. Do love need a reason? No! Therefore, I still love you... And love doesn't need a reason. . for my honey, i hope the love we shared also is unconditional. ^_^

hah, guess what?!....... i finally finished my malaysian study project...gegege am proud wif myself. coz it involves a lot of effort from my side. y? obviously,wif all the workloads (more imp ones) that i have now, i am atually pushing myself to meet the deadline. thank god. i accomplished this sooo diffilcult task..haha, by means of what else but cut and paste from the internet..no wonders then y student luv the internet aight?..but then..shhhh... dont go and tell my lec, ok! (if u happen to know him la..but i seriously doubt it, slim chance...) anyways, my topic is MERCY MALAYSIA. I was so deeply intrigued by their works. well, actually wishing to be part of the team. maybe not now, most prolly later. i am gonna work on my degree first. get MBBS, Chuck from this college, practice for awhile. get experience and join em if they want me, of course. I hope they do. amin.

Now, i am posted in O&G. or sakitpuan org melayu kata. a bit relaxing, lesser stress,as this two weeks College staff taking the clinics. then, once a week have to go labour room and be on call. 8pm-6am. tired? beyond doubt. mmg tired nak mampos. the next day still has to attend classes as usual rasa nak nangis pun ada bila kene pi posting. but, thats my responsibility,and i have to bear it well. somemore, i chosed my fate now. so, no regrets! still,i am observing the wonders of the world. A birthing is really a Miracle. its beautiful. its impressive. just imagine, a baby which is few times bigger than the birth canal, can actually comes out through it when the time comes. but then, there are obviously times when something gone wrong and vaginal delivery is impossible. but, i wont go into it. the important lesson, that i got by the end of the day, is to always appreciate mothers, my mom . coz their sacrifice is priceless, no price tag whatsoever can be attached. they carry swollen abdomen which distort their once full-of-curve-hot-model-like figure unashamedly everwhere for 9 months.they opted to go through labour pain and discomfort, so that the child will see the world. they ready to bersengkang mata whenever the child's sick. this is true, coz when i was in paeds posting, more mom waits for their child rather than father. very2 rare i can find fathers accompany their children. and they are also mostly the ones that nurture these children, to become SOMEONE. so there, mum is great. MUM is superb.AND TO MUM WE ALL ARE INDEBTED. "tapi, mak bukannya nak minta duit ringgit, cuma ingatan dan penghargaan.cukuplah kalau anak tu ikut kata dan ingat pesan org tuer" thats wht my mum always said. so there, no quest mum;s love is so pure..they dont ask much for what they had done for us....jadilah anak yang baik, ye adik2...:) for my mum : I love u . THANKS MUM FOR BRINGING ME INTO THIS WORLD, AND FOR WHAT I AM TODAY. i wont make it if u are not there,for me, ALWAYS.

i am dead tired. had labour room posting last nite. was on call till 6 this morning. vewwy tiring...and i am still loving my pillows and comforter. phew...guess i wanna sleep some more...see ya later

my spirit is high today. just finished my end of posting in Paediatrics. i'd say i did fairly ok. The HOD took me, and my gosh, he was actually spinning my head around with the questions that he asked. too different from our indian lecturers approach. but, anyway, i managed to answer at least half of 'em. and i think i deserve a pass. the case i took was BRONCHIAL ASTHMA. quite easy there, isn;nt it? theory koyak sket. tapi examination ok. oklah tu ,insya allah. so, i am gonna give meself a little treat today. after this, going to Malaysian studies class. then gonna head straight to Tesco for secret recipe yummy choc cake. haha, the thought of it keep my salivary glands overflowing already. just hope i wont be wagging my tail next..huhu... and, oh, maybe gonna stop by SHAKEYS PIZZA for a generous helping of banana split. yumm..yumm..gonna indulge myself in chocolates and icecreams... dont be jealous ppl...its a calorie not free day! till then, daA!! p/s: just read CHARLIE AND THE CHOC FACTORY. IT KEEPS MY SWEET TOOTH ACHING...how i wish i can meet the ECCENTRIC WILLY WONKA! AND SAMPLE THOSE FABULOUS scrumplicious chocolates invention of his...i sure as hell, will be head over heel in luv wif him.

My professor in Orthopaedics used to ask the reason of me doing medicine. My answer was the good-samaritan-wannabe "i wanna help ppl". In fact, there were other countless times when ppl actually asked me the same question. the answer remains the same. That was also the quest asked to me during my first interview, before i was accepted to the Med School. and it was also the same. its true, that there are other ways where i can at least contribute something or make a difference in ppl's life. i can be a teacher, for instance, and instill knowledge, brings out each and every pupils that i have to their utmost potential. maybe they will become CEO'S, nuclear scientists, genetic engineers or other specialists in fields never explored before. But, i cant. i lack the qualities for the making of a good teacher.i cant sit serenely and repeat the same thing again and again to my students each year, day in day out. i dont have the patience to correct piles of books and exam papers. i dont have the heart to punish when they go wrong, coz i am sometimes too soft.(though i dont look so exteriorly). still, i have to admit that my teachers are the ppl who are responsible for what i am now. they are noble ppl. and for me, all professions are noble when u adhere to the ethics and code of conduct. then, i always believe that i am born to treat, if not to heal. when i was young, i look up to the profession becoz of spotless white coat and the stetoscope the drs wear hanging around the neck. now, i look up at the profession from a new spectrum altogether. 4 years being an amateur in this field has actually broaden my vision tremendously. i am no more a wide eyed teenager, anxious of passing the exam for a mere prefix in front of my name. what i want is to contribute my energy, my knowledge and my life for the human population. Maybe i dream big. i write even bigger. but, i will get what needs to be done, done. someday. I promise myself that. so for a start, maybe i will join THIS. Their work really inspire me. Their dedication and sacrifice amaze me. I wanna be one of them, soon. Insya allah.:).