i received a bad news today. my auntie passed away yesterday. she's been suffering of SLE (read: systemic lupus erythematosus) for years. i know she's not doing well these days. but, i'm still in haze. o my god, i still cant digest the fact that she's no more with us. and i havent gone visit her for some times. i knew she was admitted, but never bother or find the time to visit her in hospital. when she was referred to SJMC early this month, she was soo near to me. yet, i didnt go. i went back to kl, and still didnt go. and now she's gone. and now, i cant even go back on time for her funeral. and now i lost my cousins phone no. and never offer condolescence. and i still call myself her cousin, her mom's niece? i'm so sorry ppl. if u are reading this. i dont want to drown u in my self pity/ guilt conscience. no. what i need is, some time. to engulf the fact and reality. ok, for time being... al-fatihah to che nah. may god blessed her soul and place her among His chosen ones. and my deepest heartfelt condolensce to kak lini and family.

THIS IS MY CURRENT EAR SOOTHING OINTMENT

PETERPAN - Mungkin Nanti

Saatnya ku berkata Mungkin yang terakhir kalinya Sudahlah lepaskan semua Ku yakin inilah waktunya Mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi Mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi Reff : Dan mungkin bila nanti Kita kan bertemu lagi… Satu pintaku jangan Kau coba tanyakan kembali Rasa yang kutinggal mati Seperti hari kemarin Saat semua di sini… Dan bila hatimu termenung Bangun dari mimpi – mimpimu Membuka hatimu yang dulu Cerita saat bersamaku Back To # / Reff Tak usah kau tanyakan lagi simpan saja untukmu sendiri semua saying kau cari semua rasa yang kau beri

yesterday, watched batman begins and mr&mrs smith. with ma frenz, azim, sho, shida,shah, meema. batman was, AWESOME. mr and mrs smith was so-so. the movie would have bore me to snooze if not for angelina jolie and brad pitt. and oh, angelina looked soooo gorgeous. and fatally sexy. no wonder mr smith actually dumped her old wife for the chick....not suprising here, man. but batman rawks...really enjoy the movie...considering the fact, i am no fan of batman, and was never the one eager to watch the previous sequelae. though must admit initially dont really has the expectation of enjoying myself. but i did. i'm glad azim made me come. we had real great time together. well, partly maybe coz i have not much on my shoulder at the moment. so i can sitback and relax, enjoy the day. and i never finished my popcorn...wasting wasting :P and today, we (me, meema, shida and zeti) went lunch in shakeys for shida's birthday. its been ages, i think, for all 4 girls day out. shida and meemo busy, are in ortho and surgery..so dont see much of them. well, now at least manage to squeeze some times for a small reunion. i am sinfully full. by the way, i accomplish a great task of cleaning my room in two days. so now, its in an acceptable condition. anyone interested in visiting may come anytime now. dont worry, no books strewn over my tables,floor or bed. no more. at least for the time being. wink~

AND WHEN SHE INDULGES IN HER GIRLISH SIDE....

You are Bloom!

What (non drugstore) Makeup Brand Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are the Hopeful Bride!

Which Bride are you? -With Anime Pics!-
brought to you by Quizilla

You are a Mermaid, who sits on a rock in
the sea, looking and watching all humanity with
curiosity in your eyes. You have a two-sided
personality - On one hand, you revel in your
freedom and often prefer to live in your own
private dreams and on the other hand, humanity
intrigues you and you love watching on.

You
are actually very kind at heart and, hating to
see people hurt, you despise injustice. You
probably have one or two special friends, who
mean the world to you.

Also; you are probably
quite political, wanting to see justice done in
the world.

You are quite the dreamer, needing
your freedom and personal space to dream your
little dreams. You love to escape into a book
or some good music and just drift away.

Some
of your good points are that you are sensitive,
compassionate and a freethinker. Your bad
points are that you may come across as cool and
aloof to others and probably have a tendency to
depression.

You are the ultimate dreamer with
a kind - yet troubled heart.

Are you a Princess, Enchantress, Faerie, Mermaid or Toad? (with pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla

You're a romantic girl. You're kind, caring,
loveing, and peaceful. You spend a lot of your
time dreaming and you're not afraid to express
deep emotion, whether it be in a poem, diary,
or words. You hope for love and affection from
your prince charming. I have a feeling he will
come around soon.

What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla

You know who you are

Britney Spears - From the Bottom of My Broken Heart

From the bottom of my broken heart

There's just a thing or two I'd like you to know

You were my first love,

You were my true love

From the first kisses to the very last rose

From the bottom of my broken heart

Even through time may find me somebody new

You were my real love

I never knew love

'Til there was you

From the bottom of my broken heart

CINTA ITU TAK TERLIHAT

Kenapa kita menutup mata ketika kita tidur ?, ketika kita menangis ?, ketika kita membayangkan ?. Itu karena hal terindah di dunia ini TIDAK TERLIHAT...

Ketika kita menemukan seseorang yang keunikannya SEJALAN dengan kita…kita bergabung dengannya dan jatuh ke dalam suatu keanehan serupa yang dinamakan CINTA. Ada hal-hal yang tidak ingin kita lepaskan. Orang-orang yang tidak ingin kita tinggalkan... Tapi ingatlah...

melepaskan BUKAN akhir dari dunia, melainkan awal suatu kehidupan baru. Kebahagiaan ada untuk mereka yang menangis, mereka yang tersakiti, mereka yang telah mencari...dan mereka yang telah mencoba. Karena MEREKALAH yang bisa menghargai betapa pentingnya orang yang telah menyentuh kehidupan mereka...

CINTA yang AGUNG ?, adalah ketika kamu menitikkan air mata dan MASIH peduli terhadapnya…, adalah ketika dia tidak mempedulikanmu dan kamu MASIH menunggunya dengan setia, adalah ketika dia mulai mencintai orang lain dan kamu MASIH bisa tersenyum sembari berkata 'Aku turut berbahagia untukmu'. Apabila cinta tidak berhasil...BEBASKAN dirimu... biarkan hatimu kembali melebarkan sayapnya dan terbang ke alam bebas LAGI. Ingatlah...bahwa kamu mungkin menemukan cinta dan kehilangannya… tapi ketika cinta itu mati, kamu TIDAK perlu mati bersamanya...

Orang terkuat BUKAN mereka yang selalu menang, MELAINKAN mereka yang tetap tegar ketika mereka jatuh. Entah bagaimana dalam perjalanan kehidupan, kamu belajar tentang dirimu sendiri dan menyadari bahwa penyesalan tidak seharusnya ada. HANYALAH penghargaan abadi atas pilihan-pilihanan kehidupan yang telah kau buat.

TEMAN SEJATI... mengerti ketika kamu berkata 'aku lupa..', menunggu selamanya ketika kamu berkata 'tunggu sebentar'. Tetap tinggal ketika kamu berkata 'tinggalkan aku sendiri'. Membuka pintu meski kamu BELUM mengetuk dan berkata 'bolehkah saya masuk ?'.

MENCINTAI... BUKANlah bagaimana kamu melupakan, melainkan bagaimana kamu MEMAAFKAN… BUKANlah bagaimana kamu mendengarkan, melainkan bagaimana kamu MENGERTI… BUKANlah apa yang kamu lihat, melainkan apa yang kamu RASAKAN… BUKANlah bagaimana kamu melepaskan, melainkan bagaimana kamu BERTAHAN…Lebih berbahaya mencucurkan air mata dalam hati, dibandingkan menangis tersedu-sedu. Air mata yang keluar dapat dihapus, sementara air mata yang tersembunyi menggoreskan luka yang tidak akan pernah hilang…

Dalam urusan cinta, kita SANGAT JARANG menang.. Tapi ketika CINTA itu TULUS, meskipun kalah, kamu TETAP MENANG hanya karena kamu berbahagia…dapat mencintai seseorang...LEBIH dari kamu mencintai dirimu sendiri… Akan tiba saatnya dimana kamu harus berhenti mencintai seseorang BUKAN karena orang itu berhenti mencintai kita, MELAINKAN karena kita menyadari bahwa orang itu akan lebih berbahagia apabila kita melepaskannya. Apabila kamu benar-benar mencintai seseorang, jangan lepaskan dia, jangan percaya bahwa melepaskan SELALU berarti kamu benar-benar mencintai.

MELAINKAN...BERJUANGLAH demi cintamu. Itulah CINTA SEJATI. Lebih baik menunggu orang yang kamu inginkan DARIPADA berjalan bersama orang 'yang tersedia'. Kadang kala, orang yang kamu cintai adalah orang yang PALING menyakiti hatimu dan kadang kala, teman yang menangis bersamamu adalah cinta yang tidak kamu sadari.

october,my birth month and here is the description. supposed that to be 'ME'.

OCTOBER

* Loves to chat

* Loves those who loves him

* Loves to takes things at the centre

* Attractive and suave

* Inner and physical beauty

* Does not lie or pretend

* Sympathetic

* Treats friends importantly

* Always making friends

* Easily hurt but recovers easily

* Bad tempered

* Selfish

* Seldom helps unless asked

* Daydreamer

* Very opinionated

* Does not care of what others think

* Emotional

* Decisive

* Strong clairvoyance

* Loves to travel, the arts and literature

* Soft-spoken, loving and caring

* Romantic

* Touchy and easily jealous

* Concerned

* Loves outdoors

* Just and fair

* Spendthrift and easily influenced

* Easily lose confidence

well, so what say u..are they my attributes? sheeshh...

i have finished my ONG posting, now i am in psychiatry...yiieehaaa...time to breathe, to live to and to rejuvenate... and to pamper...hehe ...that, i went for my second facial after nearly three yrs been here. my skin is in terrible state..my hormones are raging...well, it does.and the result is only badly hyperpigmented scarred face.......so saddd....sob sob sob...but not to worry...am going to fight em off...shake 'em off...:) well..my mood is slightly downhill today...for some reasons that i cant explain.its complicated u see...and i dont want to hurt those ppl that care about me...:( but i will tackle 'em and in no time, i hope will be able to think rationally again, and be myself. let's see, studies lately is 'in' again..well...i am currently busy understanding my niraj ahujaa book...hope will be able to finish them before the 5 weeks are over....its kind of diffilcult...for me...i just cant really understand this psyhiatry prob well. maybe,i dont have the insight...not yet...or worse, i dont possess the empathy...alas,after so much raving about empathy and sympathy...!!

it's been a tiring day. i woke up at 5 to the sound of my alarm phone. bangun and tediously start off my day preparing the day presentation. its boring, and maddening, when what u really want is just to get another wink of sleep. but knew very well that u cant, coz 5 mins became very valuable, as u have wasted the whole night snoring off...thank god, i did read the topic well though hurriedly, as the consultant actually pick me off today. was firing me quest after another. by the end of class, i was actually gasping for air. and again i thank god, coz no asthma attack tat particular moment. well, excitement in any forms can actually precipate my asthmatic attack, u know..so dont try to get me over excited...especially u, yeah , i mean u...any news,bad or good plz break it gently to me...ehe...:P and oh, the class was on laparoscopic surgery,(read: u operate by using small hole,view internal organ by means of a camera, and operate accordingly with multiple gadgets, i cant elaborately mention here!)and and cystectomy(read: remove the cyst from ur ovary) and TAHBSO(read: total abdominal hysterectomy with bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy, which in easy language, u remove your womb and both ovaries). yeah, we do watch a few of these procedures...and yes,some of it was one hella bloody business. and yeah, i'm not scared..and yeah, i never fainted once( well, maybe i nearly did once,but that one doesnt really count coz i was hypoglycaemic owing to lack of breakfast in that particular morning). well, after class, i went back to college. and at 3, we had another clinic with a consultant in MAHKOTA MEDICAL CENTRE. what should i say? the session was good and fruitful. though, at first i admit having this skeptical thingy about private practice.i thought they wont be showing us cases. i assumed the most we will be seeing is only the patients ticket. well, i was partially wrong. they let us listened to the interview, see the ultrasound in case of obs case, and discuss about it later on. though, no seeing during examination. but, at least, we are seeing something right. and i like the fella, he answers quests,precisely, and looks interested in teaching.he actually handled his patients very well ,smoothly and efficient and deftly explain things to patients.so by the end of the day, i can conclude that he is well deserving all those high funda certs hanging on his wall. not for decor purpose only. :) what intriguing us most, is the ultrasound machine we found there. haiyaa...very2 nice image...for the first time, i can see the baby's face(clear image of eyes,nose and mouth), the brain(including the ventricle and cerebellum),heart(all 4 chambers with the aorta),fingers of the limbs,kidney, genitalia, spine, basically everything from head to toe.this one, easily made what we has in govt,pale in comparison.its fancy and frills though, i agree. but nevertheless an experience for someone that always cracks head, when my turn for ultrasound posting day comes.i admit humbly that i need a book of ultrasound for dummies...anyone supplying one? i can always use one.:P till then.