i have no idea to update. coz my life is slightly static these few days. oh, yeah, been suffering from headache since sunday. tatau la pasal pe, maybe coz of the heat. amik panadol tak jalan. so, i resort to alternative medicine. i used the aloe vera gel on my scalp, alhamdullilah. relieve sket the pain and sejuk jer... and i used the super kino patch on my soles at night. bangun pagi2,buka the patch. terkejut...haiyark, manyak toxin wooo....the patch turned black... but dont ask me the physiology or mechanism of action of tht patch ok. coz i donno.somehow, i do have some amount of faith in certain types of alternative medicine. like acupuncture. my mom tried before and it works for her back pain relief. though more of temporary solution. and last time when i was 16, i had one full year of acne full attacks, and after some herbs preparation by my mom's fren ( he practise iridolog, i think), all the pimples dried off. donno coincident or what. but i still believe some branches of alt med works... ok2, my two cents :)

Understand death has no use for time.

No time is any better, any worse.

Cancel twenty years or eighty-nine,

Love's a loss one cannot reimburse.

Each of us lives for an eternity,

Dying only after our forever.

Early or late, we vanish equally,

All unconscious of the ties we severe,

No longer either separate or together

I saw a patient of Bronchogenic Ca(lung cancer) today. when i first entered the room to accompany my fren clerking the case, there was this chinese MO, standing with the family members. he is breaking the news. and he did it the way it should be, with empathy,and looking all professional about it. i was gawking at him,with awe. coz, i imagined myself in his shoes(though i must say his shoes must be wayyy to big for me as i wear a size 4 only) and i think i wont be able to do it half as good as he did. yeah, coz of my emotion. my emotions always fail me.i am an emotional gal, i feel strongly for most of things. though some of u strangers might feel i doesn't look like one. but i am, i am no heartless insensitive goat. i know we are taught this in med school - to show empathy,not sympathy, towards our patient. but, at times i do find it diffilcult not to differ, and to draw lines between those two. sometimes, i found tears welling behind my eyes when i look at my chronically ill patients. sometimes, i feel like weeping for them, for all the sufferings and hardship they are going through. they are the booster when my spirit dying off, when i feel like giving up. when i feel down when my lecturers scolded or chased me out into the corridor(well,not me alone..most of my groupmates do get chased out). yeah, they are the source of my strength. the simple thank yous and smile they gave always lighten up my day.

and this chinese patient, whom i was referring to, is having stage 3b of lung ca. which is the second last stage of the disease. they wont be treating him with surgery, as u see, almost the whole of left lung is involved. and u cant remove the whole lung. so, they are giving him what we call palliative treatment, just to improve his quality of life, for the remaining years or months or days that is left. but knowing the nature of disease, obviously he wont make it long. the truth is staring brazenly at him and the family members - he's gonna die. time is running short for him, and for the family. he is taking it all in a stride,very calmly and listening to the dr quietly.when i glanced up, on the dressing table,i saw a self-made white papercard with a picture of a org lidi lying on a bed,with a large bold letters saying -TO GRANDPA,GET WELL SOON. i instantly feel the emotion rushed and surfaced. i supressed it, but looking at him again, i feel sad. i was thinking of his grandchildren. it must be hard for his loved ones to accept the fact. but, it happens to everyone. each and every of us will suffer loss, and will be lost. however,by the end of the day. i learnt one lesson - to savour each heartbeats, to do good while i am able too, to appreciate the ones that loves me, to thank god for what i have everyday. i am no god, i can never cure, but at least, i can try to make a difference in my patients life, with the skills and knowledge that i am bound to have. before i take in the hippocratic oath(which i hope will be in feb next year), i swear in the names of god, that i will work hard, earn my degree ,but not forgetting my humanity. my patients are not objects,they are human.

we has two additions at home. a pair of cute kittens and bunnies. on the nite of hari raya haji, we found the first kitten lying in front of the gate in pouring rains. my sis, who is our future vet, immediately running and jumping up and down at the sight of the poor kitty, squealing with delight at the prospect of a new pet.Dad has been persistent before of not getting anymore pets. but, this one just broke the rules. the kitten was immediately adopted and given food and shelter. much to my siss delight. becoz of that, i nearly missed my bus to mlk. apparently the very next day, another kitten appeared mysteriously on the doorstep. that also was automatically adopted. u see, our house has always been the shelter house for kucing2 terbiar. but, one sad thing, when they arrived mysteriously on our doorstep, skinny, hungry and ugly.we will take them in, give them a home, gemukkan mereka with friskies and whiskas until dad pockets has a hole bayar beratus2 sebulan for feline's food,shower them with our affection and love .then after a while, after they look adorable,gemuk and clean, they will also go mysteriously missing. mum and sis will then end up crying again. aparaa...asik buat my house rumah kucing2 yatim jer.

oh yeah,regarding the two kittens, there is a big confusion for their name. as they are partly brown and white, mum call them cik lat and cik teh. abah calls one cik nor and another cik ton (after my mum and my aunt). and my granny calls one tipah and selamah. my sis? she names them julie and lily(one after my late cat). and finally,after the arrival of the bunnies, they were decided on being sapphire and ruby. but i donno la, which is which. my sis should be able to tell, as she is the godmother now.

the bunnies arrived last week. we went to pasar tani, as abah was looking for pokok bungas. my two siss came in and saying they are going to visit the arnab booth. suddenly, when i came into the car, i saw them clutching the plastic with the poor bunnies inside. siap ngan kangkungs...excellent and efficient move. mum and dad cant say anything...i seriosly suspect they also want the bunnies, coz after that, they spent almost every afternoon and evening playing with the two species. but really, they are cute. the bunnies are named emerald and diamond.funny aight, calling "diamond,diamond,meh maakan kangkung." hehe....

before this we has had few pets.from cats to canaries to fishes to bunnies also

well, u see, our so much loved pet - a persian named TIGERBOY as for his close resemblance to tiger, has died few months ago in a very tragic manner- broke my sister's and mum's heart alot.he was the last before dad imposed a rule of not allowing anyone adopted a pet. some car apparently hit him. and sis said it was terrible. since i wasnt at home at that time, i cant give much account of what happened. but, nevertheless, boy also was so lovable, and loving. very manja and suka dimanja.

and my very own pet, I named her GIRL,LILY OF THE VALLEY. She also went missing few months before BOY died. we strongly believed that she also is dead. it broke my heart too. i remember the phone call so well. i was waiting for fazli to finish his maghrib prayer in the surau in front of the college before dinner. suddenly, the phone rang, my sister was on the line. she was abit teragak2, and was saying: "kak, nak kabor nih,tapi ermm,jgn sedih," when, the words were said, i know its something concerning my girl. coz they all know very well, how much i love the cat. until, mum used to accuse me of loving the cat more than my sisters. well, partly its untrue, cos i regard her as my companion and my child. i know this sounds insane, or maybe absurd. but she meant so much to me...she was always there for me, sitting wif me when i was sad or happy. she loves me as much as i do. she trusted me as i trusted her. thats y my mouth went dry when i heard my sis tone, and knowing what was coming. and then, sis said she went missing in action for few days already. and they were so frantic looking for her everywhere. its true, in the past, lily been missing for few days. but she will always come back. but this time,she doesnt. i know then,i wont be seeing her anymore. so i went weeping there and then with my sis listening on with horror, i know, coz she was yelling at mum, saying "kakak nangis dah." and mum doesn't help much by saying she spoke to my aunt. and my aunt said that usually a cat whenever they are about to die, if they love the family they are with, they will bawa diri and die alone somewhere else. it even futrher broke my heart. i wont be seeing her for the last time.and she died a loner. there will be nomore sight of her being overjoyed at seeing me when i come back home for my holidays. or her running to me whenever hearing my voice with her favourite friskies. she wont be accompanying me studying until late at night, fighting for my attention by sitting on my books that i left open. and nomore her large brown eyes looking up wide and soft whenever i talk to her,seeming to drink in every words, or sharing my pillow(she sleeps with me) or cuddling like a baby in my comforter or her soft contented purring sound when i tickled her. oh gosh, how i miss her. and thats y, i can never betray her by getting another pet. i know this sounds absurd, but i feel she understands my emotions, seems to understand when i am sad or down. and she's soo special to me. she was once, my most loyal fren before i met FAZLI. and i thank god, because Fazli is a very supportive partner. most ppl might be frowning when they are reading my entry now, maybe u all will be thinking i am such a baby or fool to cry over a mere dead cat. but, u see, again she's not only a cat, she is a fren. maybe u wont understand the depth of the love that i have for her, but nor do i. and fazli, seeing a weeping me, after his prayers, doesn't laugh or smile at me. he instead looked concerned, and when i told him what has happened. he doesn't love either. instead, he squeezed my shoulder and let me weep until i came to my senses. man, thats y i love him. his gestures are enough to tell me, that he's there and will always be there for me. though lily is nomore there. MY LILY.

TO lily, i will always remember u. u are a good friend. and i shall hold u dear always in my heart. i hope u are happy up there in heaven. always know, That i have always love u lily. with all my heart.

alhamdulillah, i am feeling much better. my voice is back too. today, attended clinic as usual. saw one case of acute gouty arthritis. thats all, less hectic this few days. anyways, tomorrow i'll be starting nite posting for medicine, and that will only be four hours. well things do look good so far. and farah faizura is still smiling happily. was browsing through one forum. and look, what i found. a foodguide for those who are calorie conscious. wanna know how many calories ur fav food contains? just click this - GUIDE TO MALAYSIAN FOOD CALORIES! So anytime feeling like dieting, u ppl may always refer for urself which food to be avoided. oh, yeah, lately farah faizura's once upon a time nearly flawless skin(perasan sket,haha) has becoming worse. breakouts weyyy...sob sob.. i think i is partly due to my diet, but i wanna blame my hormones more....haiya...amik roaccutane aa camni..hehe..tapi takut side effects... so, i am currently looking for a good skincare to tackle this prob. any suggestions? cadangan dibuka dari skang...1,2,3! get set go!!!

farah faizura is finally back in the college, safely, and spent. still in euphoric state though. my one week of holiday was spent in the manner it should be, wif hours of undisturbed peaceful sleep and visits to various foodstalls. habaq je apabende, sumer dah masuk dalam perut. nasi ayam, nasi lemak, nasi minyak, nasi biryani, nasi dagang, nasi kerabu dan nasi biasa, laksa, keropok lekor(my fav), eskim goreng sumer dah rojak dalam perut ni, leaving no wonders as for the reason of my recent and sudden weight gain. and mum is nagging again, about the importance of keeping in shape, apa2 lah maa...whatever it is, TERENGGANU RAWKS!!! my aunties from singapore came down and visited our home. i've never met them, so initially it was slightly awkward. and they were another reason, why dad was practically visiting all the foodstalls. and i menumpang ler sekaki and seperut, tak makan rugi wooo...nanti kempunan..hehe. oh, yeah, about my aunties, they were so excited about everything. visiting kampungs,seeing a traditional kampung house,eating kampung foods, they even went to a batik factory, learning how to canting batik. as i have been living here, most of my life, i just feel every single thing is very normal. i, on the other hand, envy them, coz they are actually going on makan angin forever,from europe to japan to terengganu in one month. how i wish can duduk goyang kaki cam diorang...egege, dak baik kan? oh yeah, i reached KL yesterday morning.by bus. to be accurate, a SCHOOL BUS,yelah bus tambahan.i slept off most of the 8 hours journey. so, i dont really feel how bad it was. my bf who sat next to me, sat awake most of the time. kesian dia, katanya bus tu merangkak. naik bukit semput, terbatuk-batuk. hehe, kesian bas tu sakit. tu dah satu hal. actually, we were supposed to take another bus. but, tahu2 je la bas tambahan. tak sistematik lasum. tiket pun oversold. main letak jer no bus, tgk2 when i reached there, no more seat for us. so, we have to wait for next bus, masatu, barulah menyesal dak dengar nasihat org tuer2 suh amik flight - now everyone can fly..hehe, even though slightly expensive (tapi still cam bas ekspress), i wont be facing the same problem. tapi nak wat cemana, tiket bas dah kat tgn, so now everyone can berebut la jawapnya,hehe, and believe me, thats what i actually did. masa nak naik tu, bukannyer civilised and with manners pun. main tolak,rebut, naik jer...hehe....rule of 3 yang baru tu..dahlah i am petite, jadi sardin dalam lautan manusia..bau jgn cakapler,sumer ada, hamis,hapak, wangi, bau cam cekelet pun ada,tah deoderant apa diowang pakai...dah tak kira dah masatu, my aim was just to get two seats so that i can reach kl next morning so i wont miss class the next day...bila dah naik tuh, tetiba, i saw my dad already on the bus, grinning from one ear to another,masa bila dia naik tak tahu lah...hehe...kusselamat, kalau tahu takyah i susah2 tolak2 ngan bebudak lelaki tadi....habis kelemahan kelembutanku..hehe...tu ar, my bf busy with my luggages...sian dia....bila bas jalan, i straightaway dozz off, tiring wooo....main tolak2.. now, i am safely tucked in my comforter. haiya...but am having flu now. got headache, running nose and low grade fever. my sinusitis is in action again. tapi, takper, dah rehat gegila dah past 1 week, its time for WORK, WORK AND MORE WORK. apa2 je la sinus, i will get my dose of sleep, and cont my routines with light heart..hehe....so farah basically, is one contented gal!

F	Fresh
A	Accurate
R	Revolutionary
A	Appreciative
H	Hardworking
F	Fresh
A	Amorous
I	Influential
Z	Zany
U	Unforgettable
R	Radical
A	Awesome

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

it's a lovely day. i wake up feeling soo much better. yeah lah, finally i got my beauty sleep.(no more sleepless nites delivering babies and attending to vaginas) and osso, today, am going back to my hometown. FOR 1 WHOLE WEEEK. how nice is that? suddenly , we got the holidays we are always denied of. but this osso it seems cos the lecturers wanna go back to india or go cruising to hadyaii(or so it seems according to rumours, well, the hosteliers hehe, will know how like wildfire the rumours spreading). what ever it is, i still am not a totally free spirit yet. bearing in mind, that my sessional exam is just around the corner, i am forced(^sigh~)to take back the whole set of medicine books( count: 8 of 'em, exlusive the thick PG level Harrisons) back home and study 'em until i vomit blood. Well, actually the thought of it osso can make me vomit already. BUT, anyway, my family will be there, and i still can steal few hours for outing and shopping wif frens (and prolly bf) (^wink*) so its all compensated. lovely days...

and then, i wanna go collect angpow banyak2...gong xi fa cai....anyone married here? celebrating chinese new year? hah, hulur2 la angpow tu....me tgh sengkek ni skang...:P

oh, yeah, another rumours coming , our school system is gonna be changed. starting from my current batch some more. donno y, we always get to become the white mice. always, they experiment on us. hurmss.. we are most prolly getting the comprehensive exam. means, for my final, i will be sitting for 1 long case (which can either be surgery, medicine, ONG, pediatrics, chose only one, depends on my fate, with all 4 lecturers of diff departments crowding me, bombarding me wif questions from different aspect, of same case..) haiyaa...lunyai la camni....takut seehhh... after that, we get 3 short cases. selain yang dapat for long case. but the bright side is, most prolly my study break for unis this year, will be prolonged to february next year. so i'll get more time to cover eberything. so better start now... Ok ppl, happy chinese new year. enjoy urself. but, just pray that there wont be another tsunami coming during this festive season. so sad, at least for now, mum wont let me go near the sea anymore. i have to go back and convinced her, that very unlikely another one coming, yeah lah, no earthquake what. anyways, ENJOYYY!!

LETS TALK AGAIN ABOUT CARS (mari bercakap semula ttg kereta!)
this is my dream baby - A PEUGEOT 206CC.

green in colour, cun or not?? noo??!! hehe,takperla...but i think it's sexy, sensual,feline, and yummy too...mcm ler boleh makan kerete ni... anyway, mmg i fall head over heel in love with this car. there was a chnkos gal that owns this car in da college last time, tht was dazzling blue. i spotted another one this sem, of this green. mmg cun habihs..tapi for sure, the price pun sure cun habihs. the latest price i got from the net is RM 149,000 exclusive tax. whoaaa....mahai tuh..hehe, looks like i have to work for 10 years, then only can get behind this wheels.

hah, this is another one, blue in colour.
when the roof is opened. comel la if nak bawa pi amik angin kat tepi pantai.

and another one, pandangan sisi sket...yummy, this is what i call designed for perfection.

it looks sporty aight, but at the same time feminine....haiyark, malam ni jgn ku bermimpi udahler...^wink* tapi tak mengapa, the first step is to dream, then to translate dream into work , and finally to achieve. yeah,insya allaH

ITS A MUSHY MUSHY DAY...SO, PLEASE BEAR WITH ME WHEN I AM BEARRY MUSHY.
-Sensitive- You're Sensitive, and you'd like to
stay that way. Sorry,listened to a bit too much
Jewel there. You're sweet and very emotionally
charged. You definitely love the person you're
with, and always want to know how they're
feeling so you can make sure they're happy.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed

What Sign of Affection Are You?
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Your Heart is Pink

What Color is Your Heart?
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just get to know, another friend tied the knot last raya. what a shame. i suddenly feel like i am an alien. everyone around me suddenly seems like settling down. if not news bout 'em getting engaged, they are getting hitched as mrs dot dot dot. well, yeah, its high time for them to start a real life. they all are working ppl, earning hot cash,if not doing the postgraduates. and me? i am still frantic to settle down with my goddamn thick books. and papers. stacks of 'em. do i regret my choice? i wont be a hypocrite anymore and say no, i do, sometimes. yeah, some nights i do lie awake. thinking back, reflecting myself retrospectively, when i was a naive gal always having good opinion about things, unaware of how cruel life can sometimes be. those days were gone, and never will be back. i was so very firm with my decision, believing that i'd be able to breeze anything that come my way. i stand by my decision, though my wise mum has tried every and all measures thinkable to her, to scare me off, to set my mind off and to save me. She failed miserably. i was all but into this. And i get what i wanted. so, here i am. still lamenting about my chosen fate. so, who am i to blame? i can blame no one, but myself, for my stubbornness. or should i blame my parents, for maybe i inherited the traits from 'em? i think not.