watching a baby gets expelled from the uterus doesn't affect me. watching blood trickles down in the process also never bothers me. even watching major surgeries with many many blood splashed everywhere also never alarm me. but, this one does. it actually made my stomach feel queasy. i am feeling nauseaous. well, it is the pictures of tsunami victims in thailand sent by one of my colleagues. i just donno why, maybe because the sight i vision was so horrible. well, yeah to certain extent it does look horrible, me looking on with horror, eyes wide open and mouth gaping. poor victims. they looked almost the same, with bloated bodies and eyes popping nearly out of the socket. they are generalizedly distended. or maybe my queasy feeling is just because of post vomiting session in exam hall. yeah, i just sealed off my perjuangan in malaysian studies classes today, which is another extra burden set off for us "the private students" by LAN. i just dont get the point, mister. i wont lose my jatidiri just because i dont learn history again in my tertiary education. but,again, who am i to complaint? ok, ok..now i have to rojer out. nature calls and need to get some shopping done afterwards. shall comment more later.

Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions. --David Borenstein thank god, at least there was someone who totally understand and embrace the naturalness of emotions. i wanna marry u,mister ^wink wink. wait...,,,who the hell is he?!!?!! hope not another weirdo of human species. ah, whateva!

ishhh... i am practically shivering now. my aircond is set at 18 degrees. feel like living in igloo now.(but igloo is warm i reckon, whatever(shrug))know why? i am trying to stay awake. sometimes cold weather do make my eyes pops out awake. weirdo?yeah, i am in certain ways. :P. my lec just gimme a wake up call. suddenly i realize it is hardly another 9 months before i sit for my final exam...a very scary thought indeed. i better start studying now and try as much as i can to become a hardcore kiasu.(i doubt i succeed to become one though) but seriously, everyone around me start already, i dont want to be left out. i better join the crowd. so dont be amazed to see me later keeping my nose sticked/glued to the book(concentrating lahtu,konon!). what a bad scene. but dont have a choice. now i know why ain sounded so frantic in her blog started last sem. i just contracted the heat. and know what, for this week alone. i am practically running against time. i had 18+7 cases to write. two more labour room posting, meaning will be on call from 8pm-6am for another 2 days, which means disruption of my sleep wake cycle for another one week.on top of that, one stack of malaysian studies notes craving for my attention in next two days, plus a 2 hours paper of malaysian studies to write.please pray for my sanity.please, please. i dont want to end up in psychiatric ward next week. at least, not yet.

pheww...finally i managed to get all the coding right. so now, taaadaaa! a new look, new layout. how u like it? u dont? hehe, i cant be bothered. it took me five hours to fix everything. my back is nearly killing me. yeah lah, keep on bending to tend the computer. but, i am satisfied with the result. i know some of u ppl (read: mohd fazli!) wont like the colour coz its too pink. but my mind is decided on being pinky this time. so here it is. put up with it, ok hon? i took the skin from here. but i think it look abit like ains site after i finish it. maybe i shud remove the read and listening part. lets see. maybe later. hungry la...now its coffee time!

i am going back to trg today. so there, HAPPY AIDILADHA! See u after raya. enjoy the holidays,peeps! but dont eat too much red meat, else u get urself landed in hospital with high BP. so tekke,ppl!

some friend send this to me. i found this so touching... Lady: Why do you like me..? Why do you love me? Man : I can't tell the reason.. but I really like you.. Lady: You can't even tell me the reason... how can you say you like me? How can you say you love me? Man : I really don't know the reason, but I can prove that I love you. Lady: Proof? No! I want you to tell me the reason. My friend's boyfriend can tell her why he loves her but not you! Man : Ok ok!!! Erm... because you are beautiful, because your voice is sweet, because you are caring, because you are loving, because you are thoughtful,because of your smile, because of your every movements.. Unfortunately, a few days later, the Lady met with an accident and became a vegetable. The Guy then placed a letter by her side, and here is the content: Dearest, Because of your sweet voice that I love you...Now can you talk? No! Therefore I cannot love you. Because of your care and concern that I like you.. Now that you cannot show them, therefore I cannot love you. Because of your smile, because of your every movements that I love you.. Now can you smile? Now can you move? No, therefore I cannot love you... If love needs a reason, like now, there is no reason for me to love you anymore. Do love need a reason? No! Therefore, I still love you... And love doesn't need a reason. . for my honey, i hope the love we shared also is unconditional. ^_^

hah, guess what?!....... i finally finished my malaysian study project...gegege am proud wif myself. coz it involves a lot of effort from my side. y? obviously,wif all the workloads (more imp ones) that i have now, i am atually pushing myself to meet the deadline. thank god. i accomplished this sooo diffilcult task..haha, by means of what else but cut and paste from the internet..no wonders then y student luv the internet aight?..but then..shhhh... dont go and tell my lec, ok! (if u happen to know him la..but i seriously doubt it, slim chance...) anyways, my topic is MERCY MALAYSIA. I was so deeply intrigued by their works. well, actually wishing to be part of the team. maybe not now, most prolly later. i am gonna work on my degree first. get MBBS, Chuck from this college, practice for awhile. get experience and join em if they want me, of course. I hope they do. amin.

Now, i am posted in O&G. or sakitpuan org melayu kata. a bit relaxing, lesser stress,as this two weeks College staff taking the clinics. then, once a week have to go labour room and be on call. 8pm-6am. tired? beyond doubt. mmg tired nak mampos. the next day still has to attend classes as usual rasa nak nangis pun ada bila kene pi posting. but, thats my responsibility,and i have to bear it well. somemore, i chosed my fate now. so, no regrets! still,i am observing the wonders of the world. A birthing is really a Miracle. its beautiful. its impressive. just imagine, a baby which is few times bigger than the birth canal, can actually comes out through it when the time comes. but then, there are obviously times when something gone wrong and vaginal delivery is impossible. but, i wont go into it. the important lesson, that i got by the end of the day, is to always appreciate mothers, my mom . coz their sacrifice is priceless, no price tag whatsoever can be attached. they carry swollen abdomen which distort their once full-of-curve-hot-model-like figure unashamedly everwhere for 9 months.they opted to go through labour pain and discomfort, so that the child will see the world. they ready to bersengkang mata whenever the child's sick. this is true, coz when i was in paeds posting, more mom waits for their child rather than father. very2 rare i can find fathers accompany their children. and they are also mostly the ones that nurture these children, to become SOMEONE. so there, mum is great. MUM is superb.AND TO MUM WE ALL ARE INDEBTED. "tapi, mak bukannya nak minta duit ringgit, cuma ingatan dan penghargaan.cukuplah kalau anak tu ikut kata dan ingat pesan org tuer" thats wht my mum always said. so there, no quest mum;s love is so pure..they dont ask much for what they had done for us....jadilah anak yang baik, ye adik2...:) for my mum : I love u . THANKS MUM FOR BRINGING ME INTO THIS WORLD, AND FOR WHAT I AM TODAY. i wont make it if u are not there,for me, ALWAYS.

i am dead tired. had labour room posting last nite. was on call till 6 this morning. vewwy tiring...and i am still loving my pillows and comforter. phew...guess i wanna sleep some more...see ya later

my spirit is high today. just finished my end of posting in Paediatrics. i'd say i did fairly ok. The HOD took me, and my gosh, he was actually spinning my head around with the questions that he asked. too different from our indian lecturers approach. but, anyway, i managed to answer at least half of 'em. and i think i deserve a pass. the case i took was BRONCHIAL ASTHMA. quite easy there, isn;nt it? theory koyak sket. tapi examination ok. oklah tu ,insya allah. so, i am gonna give meself a little treat today. after this, going to Malaysian studies class. then gonna head straight to Tesco for secret recipe yummy choc cake. haha, the thought of it keep my salivary glands overflowing already. just hope i wont be wagging my tail next..huhu... and, oh, maybe gonna stop by SHAKEYS PIZZA for a generous helping of banana split. yumm..yumm..gonna indulge myself in chocolates and icecreams... dont be jealous ppl...its a calorie not free day! till then, daA!! p/s: just read CHARLIE AND THE CHOC FACTORY. IT KEEPS MY SWEET TOOTH ACHING...how i wish i can meet the ECCENTRIC WILLY WONKA! AND SAMPLE THOSE FABULOUS scrumplicious chocolates invention of his...i sure as hell, will be head over heel in luv wif him.

My professor in Orthopaedics used to ask the reason of me doing medicine. My answer was the good-samaritan-wannabe "i wanna help ppl". In fact, there were other countless times when ppl actually asked me the same question. the answer remains the same. That was also the quest asked to me during my first interview, before i was accepted to the Med School. and it was also the same. its true, that there are other ways where i can at least contribute something or make a difference in ppl's life. i can be a teacher, for instance, and instill knowledge, brings out each and every pupils that i have to their utmost potential. maybe they will become CEO'S, nuclear scientists, genetic engineers or other specialists in fields never explored before. But, i cant. i lack the qualities for the making of a good teacher.i cant sit serenely and repeat the same thing again and again to my students each year, day in day out. i dont have the patience to correct piles of books and exam papers. i dont have the heart to punish when they go wrong, coz i am sometimes too soft.(though i dont look so exteriorly). still, i have to admit that my teachers are the ppl who are responsible for what i am now. they are noble ppl. and for me, all professions are noble when u adhere to the ethics and code of conduct. then, i always believe that i am born to treat, if not to heal. when i was young, i look up to the profession becoz of spotless white coat and the stetoscope the drs wear hanging around the neck. now, i look up at the profession from a new spectrum altogether. 4 years being an amateur in this field has actually broaden my vision tremendously. i am no more a wide eyed teenager, anxious of passing the exam for a mere prefix in front of my name. what i want is to contribute my energy, my knowledge and my life for the human population. Maybe i dream big. i write even bigger. but, i will get what needs to be done, done. someday. I promise myself that. so for a start, maybe i will join THIS. Their work really inspire me. Their dedication and sacrifice amaze me. I wanna be one of them, soon. Insya allah.:).